A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My mum told me yesterday she's planning to leave dad because of his obsession with "hotwifing", i.e. a woman who has multiple sexual partners with her husband's consent.She's told him he's gone fucking crazy, but he won't accept it, insists "you won't know what it's like till you try" but she's now suspecting he's cheating on her with an other women, another man and putting her health in danger.Mom told me how dad's obsessive over a social media site online that discusses hotwifing, and that he wants both her and me to come and meet some of the forum users, WTF?She really loves him, but loved is more the appropriate word here I guess.Dad's a person who's pretty insistent about things at the best of times, and now Mom has found that trait to go from endearing to downright concerning.Mom has told me already "I've never been into that stuff, it's not right for me but he won't accept that".Ironically, my dad told me "Never cheat on your boyfriends, they won't want a dirty slut" and he does this, and mom told me how loyalty is important when dating.Am I wrong to worry about dad and think this could be related to dementia, or is he just being a huge jerk?Relationships between me and my dad have become very frosty, he's always complaining about me no matter how much I try to help, when I take the garbage out he complains I don't do it fast enough, if I try and help around the house he complains I'm not doing it "right" etc. and he also keeps insisting I'm obese when I'm not. No matter how much I try to get on with him or take an interest in him, he's frosty with me.I suspect he's angry Mom could have no more kids, and that he never got a son.Plus, he's been complaining about me dating girls, saying "Why the fuck don't you get with that jock guy who likes you?" when it will NEVER be that way, I've always been into dating girls, will never date guys but he can't understand it, thinks it's a phase, but Mom understands me better on that.Does he not understand same-sex couples can have kids, would he disown a future grandkid if me and a future wife had one?Dad actually said to me once "What a fucking joke... my daughter dating girls, no grandchildren, are you playing at being Madonna from 2005 when she kissed other women, jeez louise!"As it is, Dad's a Madonna super-fan and he spends HOURS looking up about her online and playing her music and I've since discovered we've received complaints from the cops about him playing her music loudly waking an elderly neighbor up. If I try and take an interest in it with him, he yells and screams at me and said "YOU FUCKING DON'T NEED TO GET INTO MADONNA, GIRL"But the Big Issue here is Mom and Dad's marriage, why would Dad want Mom to sleep with other men, it's ludicrous ain't it, and do you think they'll end up divorced? Mom is already considering a divorce attorney.Am I so wrong to be getting stressed out about this aged 16 and concerned over my dad?Am I also wrong to be concerned these could be signs of dementia, or is he just being a plain ol' jerkass?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2021):
 First of all the majority of stuff going on with your parents is between them, Your mom and dad you should NEVER have brought you into this drama.
I don't think it's dementia - I think it's a mid-life crisis. But... I can not diagnose anyone. So it's just speculation on my end.
I think your mom needs someone (other than you) to talk and her first port of call ought to be a lawyer, second should be a counselor or a good friend/family member she can trust.
If this is affecting you, do you have family you can go live with for a little while? Like an aunt, uncle, grandparents? So your parents can sort out what needs to be sorted and you don't have to have front-row seats to the drama.
As for whether they get divorced, I think your mom (and you) would be better off if they DID get divorced. Your dad sounds off his rocker. He is so deep in his mid-life crisis that he isn't seeing what he is doing to his family. Maybe if your mom divorces him he will "wake up" and if he doesn't at least your mom won't have to deal with this nonsense.
Your dad needs help. I'm not sure he is in a place where he is willing to TAKe/GET help.
It is 100% unfair to have put you in the middle of this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2021): I'm so sorry, sweetheart! This is too much for a young lady your age to have to deal with. All of it coming at you at once!
It's best you and your mom be supportive of each-other; and try not to allow yourself to feel too responsible for dealing with matters about your parent's marriage. That's personal stuff between them; but there's no-way your mom is letting any one put their hands on you, or herself.
It doesn't necessarily have to be dementia you dad is suffering from; it could be a wide-range of mental-health disorders (or psychosis) affecting your father.
When things get out of hand, it's best to contact 911 for the police. You cannot be forced into sexual situations, you are a minor; and I doubt it will ever come to that anyway. Your mother is already on top of that. You should be able to live the carefree-life of a teenage; and not have to undergo verbal-abuse or sexual-coercion. What actions your mother plans to take, they should be immediate; since your dad's behavior seems to be escalating. He's verbally-abusive towards you, and that is uncalled for.
You and your mother should setup a support-system within your family. Have an emergency-number ready to call a family-member to come and get you; when your dad seems to be going over the deep end. His persistence almost seems psychotic, or could be bipolar-related; and I know you must be scared. If someone can come pick you and your mom up; that's the best thing to do, until you can convince your dad that he really needs to seek counseling and therapy. It's not up to the children in the family to deal with the adult-issues in your household. It's upto the the grownups. When you're upset, you should find someplace you feel safe; meanwhile your mother should also seek legal consultation. She should know where you are at all times! Don't wander off, or speak to any strangers.
You can suggest to her that she could set-up a family-meeting for intervention to convince your dad there's something wrong, and he needs help. He's going to bully and pressure the two of you; and when that is the case, a strong level-headed male-member of the family, or the police should be contacted to help you.
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