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female
,
anonymous
writes: In casual relationships my sex drive is always very high, I enjoy a lot of sex and am very adventurous. When I'm single I enjoy flirting and being provocative and always feel sexy. But somehow the minute I start to get emotionally involved with someone my libido just seems to disappear completely- the more I care about someone, the more compatible we seem to be and the better the relationship is working out in other ways, the less my desire to have sex with the person is. Even when we do, I don't enjoy it as much, seeing it almost as a duty or a chore. Consequently I often end up cheating, or contemplating cheating, or the other person leaves, disillusioned that I no longer seem attracted to them. What could be causing this- I thought sex was supposed to be better with someone you loved? What can I do about it?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 August 2006):
 You think you 'loved' these people in past relationships but you didnt really. There was a problem in these relationships and that led you to cheat. It was probably incompatibility over and above sexual issues. Your decision to have one night stands is up to you as a single woman! However, sooner or later you are going to meet someone who hooks you in to the point where you cannot even look at another man...the quality of the sex will be unimportant because the whole relationship package will be there. Until you meet that person you shouldnt really settle for half measures. Stay young free and single for now and don't feel there is anything wrong with casual sex so long as you are being safe and not unduly troubled by your lifestyle choice. If you are really bothered by these issues, why not get some counselling as it can help to talk to someone neutral to uncover the real issues or reassure yourself.
A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (27 August 2006):
 Hi there,
For me i think this is just a pattern you are used to and are finding it difficult to do away with at least for now.Also it could be that u havent really met your true love yet cos i have seen many of my friends who have the same pattern as you, give it all up when the meet the right guy since they would do anything they can not to loose him.Sex with the the guy your love is truly rewarding and with that person u can try any adventure u want together. You wont even think of having any other person for that.
You seeming want to do something about this and think it is a great idea to have stability in a relationship.
I wouldnt encourage u to continue with this pattern so that u dont get sucked in it.
Take care dear and all the best.
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