A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship. We talk every morning, a couple times a day and every night before we lay our heads down. Last night he was out with friends until 3:30 in the morning.He never called me. I called as he just got home. This is the second time this has happened.I told him I was upset because he didn't call me to let me know what was going on.How should I handle the situation? He said he left the bar a 2:00 and didn't want to wake me up then he went to eat at a restaurant. I hate feeling like his mommy..tied of this.I just don't know what to do.I said to him...It makes me sad that he could forget about me and have so much fun without me.Should I do the same to him to him or tell him that we should no longer talk before bed time so I won't expect it.I love him..what do I need to do?Thanks!
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reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Hi.I'm in a long distance relationship too and can understand where you're coming from. There have been times when he's gone out and not got in touch and it can make you feel really sad and think the worst. But in reality, you can't expect each other to postpone real life all the time, just so you can speak to each other. It is really nice and important to stay in regular contacy with a LD lover. But sometimes you have to go with the flow in real life and go out with friends. Or you'd be sitting around everyday.We normally chat on msn and leave messages for each other there, if we end up going out before the other gets home to get the message. You could try this. Or you could ask him to text you to let you know that he's out late so that you're not waiting around for his call.The best thing you can do is to try not to worry when these thigs happen. I'm not saying you should do this to give him his own medicine, so to speak. But, if you were really upset about him not calling you, maybe you would benefit from going out with friends. It would take your mind off the LDR,in a positive way, and would make you feel happier. I'm sure your partner wouldnt mind you going out. I'm sure he'd be happy for you to. Being in an LDR can be very hard. It can be very intense and little things get blown out of proportion, because you are not physically together. Sometimes you can only speculate where they are, and what they're thinking/doing and this can make you think the worst. But at the end of the day, you have to trust that he has both of your best interests at heart. Sometimes you may miss a call. I think you just have to try to teach yourself to be ok with this, and just carry on with your own life. Or you will make yourself sick with worry. If he doesn't call you the next day, or the next, then you can worry.Good luck! It is hard, keep strong and you can make it work :)
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reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Oh for goodness sake!
PeanutButter's advice is very sound and while her experience is different to yours, she makes some excellent points.
I do realize you were upset but you do both have lives of your own, ya know? Seems to me he was being very considerate in not wanting to call you in the wee hours. He probably assumed you were in bed and asleep and didn't want to wake you.
You talk to one another what, four times a day? What more do you want? Sorry, but he's hardly neglecting you! It is, I think, a mistake to give him a hard time over this. If you hate to feel/act like his mommy, then DON'T. As for asking what do you need to do, you need to cool it and just relax. I don't know how often you are able to meet - and perhaps you'll be getting together soon - but why not try downloading Skype and then you can talk live via video?
For what it's worth, I have an English friend I met last November, who attends the same church I do when there. I was in London for five weeks over March/April this year to visit family/friends, and we got to talking a lot and getting better acquainted this time. (I'll be going for a lengthy stay in September, too). At this point we are good friends who enjoy one another's company, and have talked several times on Skype since I downloaded it after my return.
Anyway, telling you this is to emphasize to you that you need to focus more on the activities that interest you and the things you enjoy, rather than feeling so upset over this one (non) "lapse." Too much of that kind of thing can drive people (him) away, you know.......good luck and hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Hey there, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from with this issue - I was in a long distance relationship with my husband for years!! To make it worse, we were in entirely different time zones and so out schedules didn't match at all. We tried to call one another at night and when we couldn't talk I worried about where he was or what he was doing and at first thought it was because he wasn't really thinking about me or didn't really care to let me know he was ok, even with a quick "hey"!
After a while though, I came to realize that it really wasn't that important if he missed a call once in a while - we had separate lives and different living situations.
It really wasn't fair of me to make him march home and call me at a certain time just so that I could have the satisfaction and I wouldn't expect him to expect the same of me. I mean, take for instance if I were to have been invited out rather suddenly and the night went on a little longer than I had anticipated, it would seem strange running home during the night to just tell him I was O.K and vice versa.
Yes, O.K. it would have been great if we were having fun together instead of in separate groups, but it would be unfair for us both to stop having fun with other people and making ourselves miserable sitting by the phone all evening for a call.
You have to realize that this man loves you, but your situation is complicated and once in a while it will not be as easy to call you as it may seem that it should be.
Don't think of it as him having fun without you and forgetting you, just think of it as him being able to still smile in life even though the woman he loves is miles away.
He obviously didn't think that calling you at 2am was a logical step and he most likely didn't think that you would be as worried as you were.
If i were you, I would just let it go and not mention it anymore. If you mention it it could lead him to think you don't trust him or that you are babying him.
Both he and you have lives of your own to lead until you can be together. A little freedom goes a long way and can be beneficial to you both as people and in keeping you both sane.
I hope this works out for you! There were times I just wanted to scream when my husband and I were separated. Now everything is peachy!
Good luck!
xxx
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