A
female
age
30-35,
*ngelic88
writes:My sister is 8 years younger than I, unfortunately due to financial issues I'm back living at home, and during this lockdown I don't think I can cope with her. She has aspergers which has gotten milder with age, but she has a tendancy to use it more of an excuse for her rude behaviour and my parents always take her side when an argument occurs. She can be very selfish, and enjoys putting people down to make herself feel better, including (me). I've just got into a new relationship, and while I was facetiming she comes barging in my room, while we was having a deep conversation and I just got so mad. I didn't want my boyfriend to think that my family had no manners for privacy (which they don't), and so I answered her question with a bit of an attitude because I was cross. She then tells my whole family in front of me "guess you want your new boyfriend to already hate me. Bet you already told him i have aspergers too. Well if that makes you feel better". No one defended me. And yet she told her boyfriend that I had trust issues in my last relationship and needed counselling! I hadn't even told my new bf about her condition. Now this morning I was greeted with a "you've been a right d*ck Latley, don't know what your trying to prove". Again right in front of my mother, who just sits there and when I try to argue back, she just tells me to shush. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel utterly depressed because I can't get out of here.
View related questions:
depressed, living at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2020): [EDIT]: Typo corrections.
"Some get strange, and some get irritable."
"Now you're grown-up on the outside, but still children on the inside!"
Lock yourself in the bathroom, go in the closet and shut the door; or ask your sister if there's anything she'd like to get-off her chest before you talk to your boyfriend.
Seems all the cats are out of the bag; so your boyfriend knows your family a little better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2020): People get under your skin when you let them. Your pent-up resentment for your sister, frustration with your parents (for not parenting as you see fit) that has been bottled-up possibly for years; and your dire financial-situation forcing you to live back-home, collectively all that is pressing on your nerves. Being shut-in with nowhere to run is going to push you to your boiling-point; or you'll blow a gasket, sooner or later. Take a deep-breath, and slowly exhale, my dear!
Retreat to a neutral-zone, and count to 60! Sip cold-water and shake your hands. You're all too cramped together to be touchy. Don't forget that you're not the only one shut-up in that house!
Is getting upset helping any? Is it your sister's fault you had to move back home? Why must your parents get in the middle of the childish-clashes between you and your sister? You in your 30s!!!
Exercise some patience, ignore your sister's antics, and go outside for a breather. You are allowed to do that. Take a short drive, or walk around the block.
One thing this quarantine is going to teach some people, is how to have patience. House-arrest is better than prison. You have windows and you can still go outside. There aren't bars and a padlock on the outside of your doors.
You had better take an extra-strength chill-pill; or you'll wear-out your welcome!
It's just as bad that you're complaining; and testing your parents' hospitality at the same-time! Everybody's feeling somewhat confined; but it affects different people in different ways. Some get strange. and some get irritable. Which one are you? While you're complaining about your sister, do you think your parents are enjoying you constantly venting your anger and frustrations? It was easier on your parents when you were both half your size. Now your grown-up on the outside, but still children on the inside!
You're not a child; so your parents don't need to take sides. Your sister pushes your buttons just "cuz she can!" You're her favorite plaything; and you react every-time she pushes your buttons. Stop overreacting and watch what happens. If you weren't so stimulating, she'd probably stop.
You're a house-guest. Bite the bullet, girlfriend!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 April 2020):
 My advice?
Stop playing your sister's games.
She might be on the spectrum but she SURE knows how to get under your skin and piss you off for funzies and for attention.
Your sister is a manipulative little shit. That simple.
When she says something like: "you've been a right d*ck lately, don't know what your trying to prove" - you don't NEED to defend yourself AT ALL! You just say:" Well, good morning to you too" and NO MORE.
You ASK your parents if you can install a lock on your door to your room for privacy. And then you LOCK it when you are in there - she can knock and you can ignore her or whatnot.
From what you write I would have guessed the two of you were teenagers! You are a GROWN ASS woman and you like this 20'something boss you around like she OWNS you. Seriously!
You don't OWE your little sister arguments or to defend yourself. She knows you will go on the defensive and she ENJOYS it. Almost like a cat with a mouse, except.. you haven't realized YOU are the mouse.
Your parents don't defend you or come to your aid either, BECAUSE you are a GROWN ASS woman!
Of course she uses the Asperger as an excuse to BULLY you. Because everyone in the house TOW that line, including you! There really is no excuse for being a twat.
If she starts something up, look at her and smile and WALK away. Tell her, I don't want to argue with you. When she is being a decent person, hang out and talk with her. Since you are all stuck in the house together maybe break out the puzzles or board games.
STOP thinking that you HAVE to defend yourself whenever she throws shit at you like a little monkey. Just smile and go about your business. KEEP calm and serene. Even if you are annoyed on the inside.
You are BOTH too old for this behavior.
TRY a new approach, see if it works for you. IGNORE her when she is being bratty or a bully and REWARD her with attention when she is nice. She how that goes.
...............................
A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (27 April 2020):
You are in your 30s. You are back under your parents' roof for financial reasons. You are back in what your sister sees as "her territory".
Can you really not just be grateful your family have taken you in and act the adult in this situation? You can't expect to walk back in and have the place run on your terms. Yes, your sister is behaving badly, but so are you. You sound like a couple of teenagers squabbling. You can't control how she acts but, at your age you should know how to let her comments slide off you. She's trying to get a rise out if you and she's succeeding. You know you don't have to reply to her, don't you? You can simply ignore her bad behaviour. Instead try to converse with her when she is not behaving badly and try to build some sort of a relationship with her. This will help you all live more harmoniously. I feel sorry for your parents in all this. They have to referee two adult women acting like children.
I assume you are trying to sort out your finances so that you can move out as soon as you can?
...............................
|
