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Lesbian verses Penis

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2009)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been attached to women for as long as I can remember. The past 4 years I've only been dating women and can only picture myself with a woman... but the only way I get off is to think about penis or use a dildo! My current girlfriend of over a year has never made me orgasm (she doesn't know and would be devastated to find out). I'm SO confused! I love sex with women but sometimes I crave sex with a man. AH!! I really don't think I'm going though a 'gay" phase but I can't help but wonder why I feel this way... Could it be that I'm sexually unsatisfied? Am I some weird bisexual doomed to be alone forever? I love my girlfriend but can't go on like this!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

Now that is an excellent answer from Saltwater and an honorable mention by DWICan.

Ever heard of pegging? Apparently, this is when a woman puts a strap on and does a guy up the ass. Does that make him gay or does that simply mean that he likes it up the ass? See, that's the thing about sexuality, is that those who wish to use labels, put labels on things associated with a certain act - eg: she likes using dildos, therefore, she must also like men. Not quite accurate.

Regardless, sex = communication. Experiment with your lover, try different techniques as others have suggested already and find out what works for you. You already have a good idea what doesn't.

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A male reader, saltwater United Kingdom +, writes (21 February 2009):

saltwater agony aunt"sometimes I crave sex with a man."

If that is simply because a man has a penis, then there are certainly workarounds that you can incorporate into your sex life with your girlfriend...your girlfriend could wear a strap on dildo to penetrate you for example to replicate penile penetration.

If you crave sex with a man because "he's a man" so to speak, then sure, it'll definitely be more confusing for you. It's common to be confused. But the reality is that you can only really decide for yourself what you feel. No one here can tell you.

There are certainly ways to enjoy lesbian sex that mimics sex with a man if that is what you seek; but you will need to decide if that is what you want.

Being a bi-sexual is fine; and wanting sex with a man as well as a woman is fine, but it will probably have implications in your current relationship depending on how your girlfriend feels about the issue.

Talk to her. Explore new sex techniques with your girlfriend that mimics sex with a male and see how you feel. And depending on how that goes, you will probably have a more clear understanding of what type of sex life you are seeking....but don't needlessly throw away your relationship with your girlfriend if you remain unsatisfied.

Would it be worth throwing away a relationship with your girlfriend just for sex with a man?

Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):


If you are not having orgasms with your girlfriend, something is definitely not right. Your sex life is not what it should be, and it is no WONDER why you are thinking about dildos or men at this point. Something is just not right here.

It really sounds to me like you are not telling her what you need. Maybe you don't even know what you need sexually?? You have to talk to her right away about the fact that you are totally unsatisfied with your sex life. And then maybe you can both discover what does make you tick, and move on from this. Or maybe you need to ask yourself what you really need/want sexually, men, women, or whatever.

Good luck!

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A male reader, Do What I Can United States +, writes (21 February 2009):

Do What I Can agony auntYoure not wierd at all!... This is common in alot of relationships.. why not try other types of sex other than the types you and your girlfriend already practice. Even though u think it may not be a gay phase it may well be. You could be bi-sexual also. My advice to you is take things one step at a time and if no improvement is made then you should sit down and talk to your girlfriend. If she loves you she will understand and will appreciate you talking to her.

Take Care and Good Luck


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