A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys... Well I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 6 months - in which time we have seen each other for 10 weeks and she is due to move over here in 4 weeks. She was my best mate for 3 years before this.My problems are though that as time has come closer she has started to get cold feet about moving over here and it's really affecting me to the point I get upset with things that she says.She says she doesn't know if she can leave her family and friends and that she doesn't like my family (My family did act really harsh and stupidly to her last time she was over, but they are ok now.. even if my gf doesn't want to forgive them).We talk every day and I miss her like crazy, but I feel that she's starting to resent me for taking her away from her family and friends... And if that happens then it's not good!!I don't know what to do. I said that if she doesn't like it over here then we can go back to her country (I am from there too) and we can set up our lives there. But that is met with suggestions of "Well I can come back and you can stay there because you like it."Yet the other day she was asking me when I was going to propose to her and she talks about our future most of the time...I don't know what to do and it's confusing and upsetting!!! What to do?... I'm starting to really worry, and it's affecting our relationship when we talk. HELP! Please :-)
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female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 You're just as imprortant as the people in the uk, and that's why she is torn between you right now. I'm sure things will sort out for you both. X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHer country is England so not like its different cultures (massively) between my life and hers. We are both from the UK originally.
I have worked out what it is which gets me, and that's my insecurities about being made to feel like an inconvenience and that she doesn't "love me enough" because surely if she can't leave her friends and her non-immediate family members (i.e. aunties, cousins, fake aunties) to be with me then I don't feel good enough. I should be less insecure but unfortunately that's how I am... And that needs to change too!
As for me moving back over there, I have suggested it - but at the moment I have a lease on a house, and a job which pays well. I have the house for another 9 months (rented) so I can't really move back to the UK yet as I would not have a job, nor would I be able to afford to break the lease on this one and find another one.
With regards to proposing, I told her the other day that I would propose to her when I could see her face to face as I'm not proposing over the phone. I even went and looked at rings.. Also I don't think the time is yet right to propose with all this hanging over us. Yes it would prove my commitment to her, but on the flip side if this rips us apart then it will do that whether or not we are engaged, and I don't agree that proposal should be used to fix a relationship...
My 2 penneth!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 What country is she from (and you)? Are we talking about a totally different culture than the USA?
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (28 April 2009):
she may be wantimng additional security, you would be best proposing to her and then she knows that there is commitment and itrs official. why cant you just move to her area? its a big step whatever you do but if she doesnt get on with your family thats a spanner in the works! give her time to think and ask her if she really wants to move. x
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