A
male
age
41-50,
*nonymus2012
writes:my LD girlfriend and I will have "the talk" soon about our future together, does not look good. we have been together for a year now and knowing each other for another. we are continents apart. I travel every two months to see her and stay a couple of weeks each time.we met in america and then she moved to Europe to finish school. I agreed to wait for her until she finishes school in two years. I told her we should start working now on a plan to look forward to. she told me she wants to do a master in europe after school that it will take another two years. we have a serious relationship and I know her family and friends. I can't wait for her for four years regardless I love her with all my heart. I cant move yo her country because I dont speak the lenguage and I have no savings, all are gone with the trips. any comments or suggestions? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymus2012 +, writes (14 May 2013):
anonymus2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your comment, it helped me a lot tu understand what is going on. now I have to think about what is the right thing to do for me. seriously, thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Regretfully, this is why I advise against LDR's. They are costly both emotionally and financially. Unless you're a globe-trotting socialite with a trust-fund that could choke a blue whale; it is difficult to maintain intimacy and survive the distance. Marriages strain under the pressure.
It's hard enough to maintain a relationship when you live together. Put time and distance between you, and that's even more pressure. Most of your time is spent waiting to see him/her in person. The remainder is spent missing them.
I know you feel horrible about this decision. Right now, her studies come first and her relationship is secondary. In all fairness, that was a very difficult decision for her to make.
It was with the possibility that this would happen. She is at the time in her life when she has to complete her goals and not let time and circumstance rob her of fleeting opportunities. Her chosen profession demands her to complete her studies. Time is her enemy. As you see.
You may have reached most, if not all, of your personal goals. So you were able to commit your time and finances to keeping your relationship going. The reality has set in that I warn so many about. It is excruciating not to be together. To have to spend a fortune for just a few days together. Forsaking common sense, or delaying happiness to postpone the final outcome. A breakup.
To be so far apart, and still have the same feelings for any extended period of time is tough. You need something more tangible. You need personal interaction.
You must sacrifice the relationship to allow her to follow her dreams, unencumbered by the guilt of neglecting you. No one's needs overrides the other. It is what it is.
Be gentle. Don't punish yourself for being honest. Do not lay a guilt trip on her. Her dreams and ambitions are very important to her, and they should be just as important to you. There is no telling what the future may bring; however,
sacrificing your time and future is a very heavy price to pay. Thus there is a stale-mate. Love first, or ambition?
You must set your own priorities. You are the master of your own fate and happiness. You tried with all your might.
Maybe by some twist of fate, things may change.
What is right the right thing to do?
You do what is right for you. She does what is right for her.
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