A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does it bother you girls, you been seeing a guy for four months, and if he doesn't call or tex, for a couple days, an only has time to see you, once a week even though you live in the same, small town, but when you are together, its fantastic, but you seem to be the one who wants to see each other more, he act like it wouldn't bother him if he only seen you once in a while,you seem to get along real good, am I acting foolish, wanting to be together more. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 November 2015):
 It depends . Personally I would not be bothered by the once a week meet ups ,per se. I value quality over quantity. And, in fact,in many periods of my life ( most, maybe ) due to work, school and / or other committments ,once a week was the most I could handle if I also wanted have a life, not just a love life. It is still like this for many people I know, regardless of geographical distance from their partner- particularly if they are independent types who appreciate a bit of " me time " and can feel good also on their own.
As for the not texting for two days - don't ask me, I am obviously influenced by the generational fact that a good chunk of my dating life happened when there were NO PCs and cell phones ( and nonetheless everybody managed happily all
the same ). There were only landlines, which anyway in general were shared with other members of the household, so hogging the phone for a super lengthy daily convo with your beau , or 10 short ones :) was frowned upon. So yes, not hearing from a romantic interest for few days would not faze me. I do not associate being in love with giving or receiving a blow-by-blow account of every single day of my ( or his ) life; in fact I am still a bit surprised that many people feel this is important ( or mandatory ) in a relationship.( Again, this is generational, I suppose ).
BUT, yes , I would be very annoyed and disappointed if I had the perception that the other person does not give a f... about me and is equally fine either I am in his life or not. That would mean that he is only seeing me a) because he just wants sex from me or b ) because he has got time on his hands but he is too lazy to go find something really interesting to do, and / or someone really interesting to do it with. This would make me a convenience, which of course I would not appreciate.
In short, IMO it's not about how many texts or how many dates in a week , it's about the attitude . There ARE people who have a busy life , even in a small town, and also there are people who need a bit more personal space than others, and this is a personality trait that I feel can respect, and have it respected, without endangering the core of the r/ship.
But, accepting coldness, indifference, lack of appreciation,- then why even bother ?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 November 2015):
 I agree with YouWish
It really comes down to the two people IN the relationship. But in general I'm not a fan of game play.
I met my husband before cellphones/social media were as "big" and "central" to everyone's lives as they are now. So for me... not calling and texting constantly throughout the day is perfectly fine with me. As long as he is not expecting more either.
IF he is really busy with work or a sick family member and thus only have time once a week, that could be OK too - though I don't think it would satisfy me (relationship-wise) long term. I've always been a fairly independent person, I'm OK being by myself, entertaining myself, hang out with friends/family - but I'd (in general) expect more than once a week date from a person I consider my partner, specially if we live close by each other. I have dealt with a LRD, a husband who have been away (a lot) and I have been just fine not seeing/talking to him as much as when he is home. Mainly, I think, because I KNEW he would eventually be home and WHEN he was home our family was his focus.
If he wasn't busy with work/some other important issue, just didn't want to see me more than once a week (for whatever reason) I think I'd let him go and find someone who saw me as a higher priority than this guy.
And I agree with WiseOwlE
THE ONLY opinion that should matter to you - is HERS.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2015): A guy playing nonchalant is equal to a female playing hard to get. If you're just not into messaging, man-up and say so. Don't leave her hanging. Your relationship is still in it's infancy; so she's going to be flexible and even go against some of her own rules. That's giving you benefit of the doubt.
Don't play against yourself, you're seeking opinions from other women. When only hers counts.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 November 2015):
 Yeah, it'd bother me, and it'd bother every woman I know. The only cases where I would imagine this to not be a problem is if the woman genuinely does not care for this man, and maybe she's seeing someone else as well.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 November 2015):
 Each relationship is different. If I was with a guy who was insanely busy with work or finals or med school or he was deployed as a soldier, then it would make sense, because schedules are tight.
The point isn't to keep a record of how many times there are calls, texts, or visits. The point is whether the guy I was seeing wanted to be with me, who missed me when we were apart, and who cared about me as his girlfriend. If a guy was truly busy, but when we texted and saw each other, it was quality, I'd be fine. If he was treating me as a minor part of his schedule, talking to me whenever he felt like it, and I got his "leftovers" after lots of time spent at bars with friends and stuff, that would be different.
The point is - if he acted like he didn't care, then why would I care?? I don't need 24/7 constant clingy time either, because we both would have lives. But if I were the afterthought, then I wouldn't be long for that relationship. No sir.
The thing I would NEVER do if I found I was in a relationship where the guy acted like he didn't care would be to nag him into spending more time with me. I wouldn't push him or "fight for" him (what does that even mean??) or anything. If he truly saw me as some sort of impassive accessory, the only talk I'd have with him would be to tell him that it isn't working out, and that I wish him the best. Then I'd find a guy who has more time on his hands and cared more about me, plain and simple.
However, if he truly was busy, and I knew that the little free time he had was his best, and that when he was with me, he wasn't checking his phone constantly or acting disinterested, and he wasn't only with me for sex, then I'd be fine! I've always been a busy person myself, so I've never relied on a guy to be my only source of human contact or personal fulfillment.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2015): He probably has quite an active life either other friends and interests or busy work life. He probably does not know what you what and just sees you as a friend and not as a girlfriend. If I was you I would throw myself into your interests, date other people, if he has called you for a while longer maybe initiate a date and have a light conversation and see if you can establish what he wants. Keep it light and fun though as if you are heavy it will turn him off. Some men like to miss their friends. You will look even more attractive if you have loads to tell him about what you have been doing.
Good luck.
...............................
|
