A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:To those of you in long standing relationships who have been cheated on by your better half, HOW did you find out? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Like the other anonymous female - my "boyfriend" sent me the wrong text - meant for his ex - saying "together forever love you so much!!"
The strange thing is I love him so much that I forgave him and he still sees me and tells me we'll be together forever too - so if he still sees his ex he must be cheating on the two of us!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I had a gut feeling he was cheating. Then he forgot to log off MSN, and I saw loads of pictures of men and women half dressed, I ask him what it was all about, he laughted and said just mates having a laugh and jumped up and logged off. That stared my alarm bells ringing, and I hacked into his email account, and I couldn't and still don't believe what I found. Pictures of him shagging women while their husbands/parners took pics and pics of him and other blokes shagging the same women, found out loads more but its to disgusting to wrie down. It turned out he was well into swinging, and had been for years. So if you ever get that GUT FEELING follow it through, it'll be right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I was lucky (if there is such a thing as lucky in the case of being cheated on).
I was in a long distance relationship, my boyfriend was on the other side of the world and I was only going to be seeing him in 3 months time.
He phoned me one day and told me he'd slept with someone. We both cried and I was distraught. I'd never been more hurt, but I respected him for the sole purpose that he had the decency to tell me about it. I would never have found out otherwise and he could have kept it a secret if he wanted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): She told me over a rally nice diner in a really nice restuarant. I never saw it coming. I knew she'd been hainv sex with the woman that did her nails, but had NO IDEA she was (also cheating on the nail girl) with a guy she knew from work. The nail girl was not quite as pissed off as I was, but told ALOT of people, and I divorced her ass.She still appears to be married to her new hubby, who just turned 66 and whos linked in page says "he should be getting his college diploma in a few years"! Me, I'm laughing all the way to the bank! It was a crappy 2 years, but today worth every painful step!
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A
male
reader, sf69  +, writes (3 November 2009):
I first had a suspicion when she said "we are just friends, I dont know why people assume somthing is going on just because I spend time with somone" A few weeks later she moved in with him....I should have known long befor...rushing to erase the caller ID...Never home when I called from work...not wanting to do "stuff" with me. The cheating spouse gives hints. They will mention the person at first,To trick you into thinking they are on the up and up. Then just watch yhe unacounted for time and you will know. Hope this helps...good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Secret surveillance of the cell phone is a dead giveaway. Wait until your significant other is asleep. If She doesn't have a cell phone get chummy with her work "friends" at whatever bar they frequent, buy them drinks, and some stranger is bound to have a slip of tongue (god bless you alcohol). If that's not an option, hire a Private Investigator--expensive but reliable.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
 My husband was dumb enough to just minimize an email between him and his ex wife. I need to check my mail and hit the button and whuupti up came the emails. Since they both just hit reply every time it was many many emails back and forth RIGHT there in my face, and yes, I read them all.
Oh and it had been going on for a year or so. It didn't end til I told him in a VERY long email how it made me feel, and what I was thinking of doing about it ( divorce).
We had counseling and are still working on it. I have little trust in him when it comes to certain things and that sucks. Rome wasn't build or rebuild in one day so I know it will take time and effort on both sides to move forward.
However, he is aware that if he ever cheats again, I'm gone and I'm taking the kids. Because I interpret cheating as putting your libido ahead of your partner and family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): 1st time he sent me a text message via his phone that was meant to go to the "other women".
2nd time I walked in on him and another women with this pants down with her infront of him on the floor.
3rd time a friend of mine sent me screen pictures of him trying to arrange to meet some women on a dating site, wanting sex, saying how much he hated me, gave his phone numbner and car details to people. he was also having cyber sex on webcam.
all this times and maybe even others he totally denied and never said sorry. I am still with him. the times I told you about are all the same person, in the first 2 years of our releationship.
the last 3 yeas I have been with him have been great no more cheating but its funny how people dont change.
I noticed a sudden change in sex drive and increased computer usage :( I think his at it again and I hate my life and I don't know what to do. I dont want to live anymore :(.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 November 2009):
She suddenly became very withdrawn and contact started to disappear. Then she guarded her phone when she was with me. Then while I was at work, she actually phoned me and told me she'd cheated, before telling me it was also on my birthday.
Watch for sudden withdrawel, mysterious phone calls and sudden evening trips.
Hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I actually found out by accident. I had my suspicions, but I learned that what goes on in the dark ALWAYS come to the light. You can only hide cheating behavior for so long.
The first tell-tale sign is changed behavior. They either start going out when they weren't going out so much. Claiming to work overtime, when it doesn't reflect on the paycheck. Lying to you about being in one place when they are actually sneaking around behind your back. The repeated phone calls or texts to an unfamiliar number. Jumpy when the phone rings. Those are obvious signs to a cheating partner.
I found out through an unexpected phone call one day. When the woman on the other end ask who I was, he had to tell her I was his wife. She either didn't know or didn't care. Either way, I was hurt by it. He of course lied about it. Wouldn't she know who I was if he was honest about our marriage as he claimed? I didn't play inch high private eye or snoop or anything. I knew that sooner or later, the truth is going to reveal itself. Which it did, he wasn't smart enough or neither was he able to continue to keep up with all the lies he told. When you tell one lie, you have to continue to lie and have to remember the lie you told. Very hard to do when you're stupid.
The truth came out. I told him to get the hell out and don't call me, don't come on my job, my house, etc. I divorced the bastard. Best thing I could have done. I am more at peace now. He is someone else's headache, no longer mine. The funny thing is he cheated on her with someone else. Who looks like the fool now? He also got fired from his job. Oh sweet, sweet, Karma! I didn't lift a finger. I just picked up the pieces and moved on with my life. I knew that I deserved better and I don't have to take that behavior off of NO ONE! My best advice is to live your life like nothing is going on. Believe me, you can hide the truth for so long because they do get sloppy. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): well, mine was very complicated.. 1st g/f i found out from her best mate, then when i was atr her house, he rang and she was all lovey with him on the phone, then hurried me out, so when he turned up i followed them to a camp site...2dn gf i went to her house sand she was there, in his clothes after thwy had just been at it.. he was still wearing the condom...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I found out about my ex wife's affair from itemised phone bills. pretty straight forward really. Other things you could try are checking the milage on the car and comparing it to what was supposed to be on it. Dont use the trip meter just make a note of the odo.
Careful though you might not like what you find
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A
female
reader, lavender girl +, writes (2 November 2009):
I was in a relationship for 23 years and found out when I realised that my ex suddenly started carrying his mobile phone around with him all the time. He never left it unattended, would walk around with the phone in his pocket at home and would take it to the bath etc with him. I guess for me this sounded the alarm bells because it wasnt normal behaviour for him - he had never done that before. He also started to be happier generally and especially when going out to work - but his affair was with a work colleague! I felt sick and devastated when I found out.......which I did by taking his mobile phone out of his work bag and checking the calls........I sent a couple of texts to the number I suspected was the woman he was having an affair with pretending to be him and she replied giving me all the proof I needed . It was awful at the time but I am glad that I did find out, because for me the not-knowing part was the worst bit of it all. I think that you just have a general feeling that there is something not quite right when a partner is having an affair. My ex denied everything for months until I presented him with the evidence. If the person is cheating on you - then rest assured...they are not your 'better half'.......I hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (2 November 2009):
 I personally stumbled across emails on my NOW ex's computer. I had never gone on his computer in the past as we both used to work from home and we had a child together at the time.
I always believed what he said about him going onto sites that were to do with cycling but looking back on it now he used to go off on his own for little cycling trips.
He also spent a lot of time on his computer and this was in the evenings when he should have been spending time with me and when it was weekends he just didn't interact with our child either.
If he did go away on a small trip, he used to come back and was very lovey dovey, our sex life had waned after our daughter was born and I knew there were a few problems, i.e. I had suffered with bad postnatal depression that was left and it went into a deeper depression but we just didn't talk about anything important it seemed.
I found some emails and started to read them and my heart leapt into my throat.
I phoned him straight away as he was in London at a seminar for the day and he used to send files via email to a supplier and one hadn't arrived so that had asked me to just press the resend button which I did and I had tried to phone him before I touched his computer but couldn't get him on his mobile.
Anyway, long and short of it was - who the hell is ******* and he said what!!!! He then said he was coming home and I told him that both our daughter and myself would not be there when he got home, he tried to reason with me and we did talk that night, my daughter was not with me and we spent months in counselling to finally realise we had reached the end of the road.
It is the lies and deceit that hurt more than anything, the other person you can lash out at but that is where the pain comes from initially.
I can say now though that I consider my ex a very good friend and we work well as individual parents to our daughter and she sees daddy every other weekend and as much as he can in holiday time. He moved away but wants to come closer to see her more.
Sorry for waffling, hope some of the above helps.
If you want to talk anytime, just mail me OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, italianjjbaby +, writes (2 November 2009):
Hi I was cheating on twice from two different guys one I found in the act and the other by looking through his phone and seeing somethings that didnt add up and when confronting him he of course said it was a miss understanding but than a few months later told me the truth if he is a real man he will tell you the truth in the end but try looking in his email or phone if your gut is telling you something is up,but make sure its a really strong feeling before doing it. Best advice if you want the real truth but be prepare to handle what you find hope everything will work out for the best
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