A
male
age
36-40,
*loshd
writes:I have a beautiful wife and a 2 1/2 year old son. But last year I notice my wife was becoming distant and not very loving(which was very unusual for her). So I confronted he and she proceeded to tell me that she loves me but doesn't feel she's in love with me. Those words instantly broke my heart and have been hunting me for almost a whole year now! I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't always the best husband, but deffenetaly wasn't the worst either. I deffenetaly took advantage of her loving ways by brushing her off at times and not really showing her how much she really ment to me. And also when our son was first born I didn't help her as much as I could have. But I was still young and not really sure of what I was doing. But I believe now that I have grown in to an exallent father and do more than pull my weight! I've now realized what I have now that I almost lost it and have been doing everything in my power to fix things! I try to do most of the house work, I cook all our meals, and I try to spend all my free time with my wife and son. I take her out on dates, and always tell her how much she means to me and how beautiful she is. But anytime the subject comes up she says she wants to feel deferent, but still doesn't feel as though she loves me. This is killing me! I love her and my son so much I would die for them, but I don't know what else to do? She's always says I'm a great dad and a great husband but doesn't know why she feels the way she does or how to change it. She used to be so loving towards me, she always initiated kiss's and holding hands, and we always had lots of good sex. But now she only kiss's me, or holds my hand , or even says I love you if I do first. And she never wants to have sex now. The only time we do is when its been a week or two and she feels bad for me. Which doesn't make it very enjoyable! I don't care so much about the sex, but I really miss the way she used to love me and always showed it! I've suggested counciling, but she says she doesn't see how someone who doesn't even know us is going to help our situation. I'm depressed and am willing to do anything!! I can't lose her and I defenetaly do not want to be a weekend dad!!! They both mean the world to me!! I'm so confused as to why we cant get things to go back to the way we were? She says she doesn't want to leave me, and has had plenty of opportunity to leave. I wonder sometimes if now that I treat her so well that, maybe she just is afraid that if she shows me she loves me I'll go back to the same old guy? But that is not the case I've grown to be a 100% family man! They are the only thing I care about in this world and I want both of them to be as happy as can be!! I just need some good words of advice or encouragement! Sometimes I feel Like giving up, but then I look at the two of them and just can't bring myself to do it! They are my life and without them it's not worth living!!
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female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 You are doing a great job at thinking about her perspective of things. You admitted that you could have done better earlier in the relationship and when your son was born. You are willing to notice your mistakes and that is the first step, and also the easiest step.
Now, from a woman's perspective...I would feel hurt if my man brushed me off when I was looking for affection, whether or not it was sexual affection. The feel of an emotional connection is extremely important to a woman. She probably wasn't getting that form you. And, as you most likely already know, women can get what's called postpartum depression after giving birth. If you weren't there for her emotionally during this time, the connection may have been hurt.
You are doing good as of now, but what you need to work on is getting that connection back. As Cerberus Raphael has said, there is no reason why those feelings should have disappeared. Even though you say you don't care about the sex, that is when most women feel the strongest emotional connection. Sperm actually has a chemical in it that makes women feel good/happy. Try to be more affectionate without being pushy and hopefully you can get some good sexual connections made. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Get her to go to counseling with you.
Really, there is a lot at stake. However, don't give up. I nearly did in my marriage and it was hard not to.
But, it worked out in the end. I posted much of what we went through in another discussion. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-only-have-sex-once-or-twice-a.html
Honestly, it still makes me a little uneasy today when I think of just how close I was to giving up altogether more than once.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Wow, your post could have been written by me. Except I am a woman and my husband is the one who seems to not be in love with me anymore. I am not going to take over your post, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. Do you think she would go to see a marriage counselor? I have a 2 1/2 year old and it is very stressful sometimes. maybe it is the stresses of daily life that have her kinda run down emotionally. My grandmother used to say "when you want to break up, you just need to remember why you fell in love in the first place". I don't know if that will help in either of our situations. For us, it is the physical attraction that is gone (well, it was never there to begin with) and it seems like he is my roommate. Sorry you are going through this. Take care and keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, Sravs  +, writes (29 October 2010):
Dear Friend,
I would like to appreciate your affection towards your wife and son. Do not force her to show her love on you. It irritates the other person though they love you so much. Then you may feel she doesnot love you. So create few situations to show your love to her. Think what she likes much. Give that in that time. You plz dont say anything in words. Wait for her words. listen to her. Dont expect with one situation. Give some time to you for listening to her.
Until then wait. She may respond for one situation atleast in a leastcase.
Meanwhile you can find the difference. Time heals the wound. We cannt do everything. Time has to bring the changes. Every problem has a solution. Until then be patience.
All The Best
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Feelings can fade, you have already discovered his but do not lost hope, she does feel something. It may not be the same love she felt for you before, but it still keeps her attached to you. You have no reason to lose hope because every time you look at your son or your wife, remember that there WERE feelings there, the feelings that birthed your child. There is no reason why those feelings should have disappeared. There is always the chance that one day she will feel love for you again, maybe after a day or a week or perhaps even a few months time, as long as she says she loves you, take to heart that there is still something holding you two together and you need to hold on to that and keep being the best husband and father you can be.
I hope that helps.
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