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age
36-40,
*
writes: I'm extremely shy and quiet. I'm in my mid 20's, which is also embarrassing because most people outgrow this stage by now. Some people may think I'm cold or unfriendly or serious, but I'm really just shy and quiet. I stink at making small talk. (I don't know how to keep the conversation going or what to say. I give one word answers and I freeze up!) Of course, around family and friends or people I have known for a while, I don't shut up and am comfortable around them. But I tense up when I meet new people and am in new situations/surroundings. I do over think things too much and should be myself, but does anyone have any suggestions or advice on what I can do? I just feel embarrassed after wards and beat myself up for being so silent.
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male
reader, duce00  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 It is ok to be yourself, shy or not. Frankly a woman of few words can be a little refreshing sometimes. (sorry ladies but you have to know that there is some truth to that).
I think your real problem is beating youself up. You would probably be more bold if you wernt bashing yourself so often.
One thing I do to keep a conversation alive is try to find out what a person is passionate about and let them lead the conversation for a while. People love to talk about what they are strongly interested in. You will learn alot about them and find common ground (if it is there).
Take it easy on yourself...ask a couple questions...listen...add to the points and compliment.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 November 2009):
I forgot to include, when you're asking them questions try to listen for what you can talk about. If they mention something that you know about or have interest in, talk about it for minute...that way you don't end up sounding like an interviewer, just here and there put your two cents in.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 November 2009):
I've always been fairly shy, probably not as shy as you--but I know it can be hard to keep the conversation flowing sometimes when you don't know someone too well.
So instead of one-word answers just try to elaborate a little more on what was asked about you, or sometimes if you still give a one-word, follow it with a question to them. Sometimes I'll just keep asking them questions to take it off myself that way it seems like I'm a bit more talkative without having to do so much talking. I'm also very talkative around friends and family, but around strangers I can freeze up also. So maybe some of what I suggested will help you out a little bit.
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A
female
reader, heartstrings33 +, writes (7 November 2009):
You will probably grow out of this. I am 60yrs old and it
took me a few years before I could talk to people. Just
be yourself and don't be afraid of making mistakes. People
will like you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Stop giving yourself such a hard time! Not everyone can be outgoing all of the time - it's a part of your personality and you should embrace it. To get more comfortable in front of new people, test out your skills on strangers. Challenge yourself to be extra friendly to a cashier, a waitress, or the person behind you in the check out line. If you feel awkward, oh well, you'll never see that person again. The point is to desensitize yourself to small talk so your more comfortable around new people. Plus you'll get a chance to try out what small talk works.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 November 2009):
Don't be embarrassed or beat yourself up. Lots of people are really shy, and end up acting their way through a conversation because they're terrified. There's no really easy way to just talk, you just have to try your best. If you meet someone you like, explain that you're shy and hopefully you'll be patient. Also why not talk to those around you who you are comfortbale with and see if they could offer you advice. They'll know you more, so it would be better if they could help you. And you could always go out with someone you know so you feel more comfortbale around other people. Give yourself time, and just keep trying. Explain you're shy, and people will understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): practise makes perfect.You need to get used to it. I had the same problem.The first thing I did was go out and try to at least learn peoples names and then i try to find out something about them. Then go from there.Private message me to practice if you like
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