A
male
age
18-21,
*ndy00
writes:Hi,I was feeling a little curious just now about the first girl I loved. I took a look at her myspace just to see if there was anything new about her. It says she's in a relationship now and, even though it's been a year and a half since we broke up after being together for two years under long distance circumstances, and even though I've dated other women since her, I feel quite upset by reading it.I suppose I've had an urge to contact her lately, though there really isn't much point in doing so apart from pursuing a friendship with her. This would be nice, but I think this has hit home to me that I'm always going to want more with her. I feel a little pathetic. The mere mention that she's dating somebody new feels like enough to cripple me. How the hell am I ever going to handle speaking to her ever again?Will my feelings ever pass? Is it time to cut off every last way of reading up on her? Is it even normal that I'm still able to date women and yet obviously still have feelings for my first? I'll admit things are so much easier now, but this has opened my eyes that there's still a part of her in me that won't go away.
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broke up, long distance, myspace Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, Andy00 + ♥, writes (14 January 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Reading your answer, OhLawdWhatDoIDo, it's kind of hit home that I haven't missed her this badly for quite a while, which must mean that I have gotten considerably better since the last time we spoke.
I've concluded that this must be an "off night" for me. I very recently came out of a short term relationship, so this is probably just a bit of backlash. I don't miss her, I miss having a long term and successful relationship. The 3 girls I've dated since were all short term. I screwed up the first after only 3 weeks, the 2nd I dated for one month before she had to move away, and the in the case of the 3rd girl, we just weren't right together. I want to find someone to love again. I miss the really great relationships. The kind where you wake up together and just stare into eachother for ages. The kind where you love eachother so much you'd give them anything to make them happy. In the last relationship I tried to do that to the point where I was almost forcing myself to do it, and I just couldn't because we weren't compatible.
All that said, I'm only 20, and I know that most people aren't looking for love at this age. For some reason I feel like - If there isn't love, there is no point.
Is this making sense to anybody? And thank you very much for all your answers, you've all been a great help to me
A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Hey,
I read your question and felt really sad for you buddy. Then I realised that I have actually spoken to you in the past over DearCupid and I'm sorry to hear that you still haven't recovered from your ex. I guess I don't really have any advice other than to say that it always helps me to be in the company of people I like, go out and meet some friends, you'll be happier for it!
Just wanted to know that I am thinking of you and I am sure you will meet someone else who makes you feel the same way.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, icelordess  + ♥, writes (13 January 2009):
 Hi. I'm so sorry for what happened to you, break ups hurt so much, don't they? I think when you love someone, truly love someone, you give your all to them, and to the relationship, and if the relationship ends, then that person takes a part of you, and you are left feeling empty, and there is a void in your heart. Its natural to feel hurt/pain when you discover that they have moved on, and anyone who says it doesn't hurt was never really in love. The best advice I can tell you is that its going to hurt, and time will be the best cure. It happens very slowly...every day becomes just a tad easier..IF you let it. It doesn't happen over night, and believe me, memories can come flooding back so easily..a certain song, a certain place...ect...and slap you in the face like the break up was just yesterday. I am divorced, and have been for over 24 years,(I did remarry) but I'll be honest with you, even now it still hurts me a little to hear from my ex, hear that he had a baby, ect..I am very happy in my life, but I won't lie..there is still a part of me that hurts.Not like before, but yeah, a little bit of hurt is still there, and probably always will be. I look at breakups as like a wound...a deep wound that does eventually heal, but you are left with the scar. Eventually you harden, and it doesn't hurt nearly so much, but you know its still there. So give yourself time,sweetie. Try not to think about her any more than you have to, and if it hurts you to check on her, then don't. Sometimes the "out of sight, out of mind" expression helps alot. I hope I have helped you in some small way.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 + ♥, writes (13 January 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionpvtguy, if you'd like to know the story, please take a look at my profile page on dearcupid. It pretty much explains everything, even thought I haven't updated for a while.
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A
female
reader, Ask JenniHearts  +, writes (13 January 2009):
 alot of people have feelings for thier ex's. this is natural. i promise the long distence is a factor in it all but wee all know how first loves can be, there are just like our first times. you think they leave but they never do. you heart is with her still because you havn't fully gotten over her. and the incurity that she is in a relationship is killing you because you can't have her anymore its the "i want what i can't have" its a desease but it's normal.
don't just cutt off all ties to her or she'll think you hate her. but unless you've crossed the bridge saying i want only friends and nothing more and mean it you can not i repeat CAN NOT contact her.
if she decides to give you another chance and you end up not wanting it then you hurt both her and yourself.
keep it nutral
hope this helps
jenni hearts
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