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I've met some I really like, I don't want to scare her off

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *ools_rush_in writes:

Hi Guys,

I've been online dating for a while now and have had lots of dates but - you know how it is - normally they aren't really what you're looking for. However, last week I had a date with this girl and it was truly amazing. She initially made contact with me when I was already seeing someone else, way back in January, so nothing happened then, and I got in touch with her in April but she was seeing someone, so again nothing happened, however I really liked her profile and with another couple of emails we recently got talking. Anyway, the first date went better than any other I've ever been on. We just seemed to totally click, it ended up being totally spontaneous as to all the fun stuff we did, and we ended up kissing for ages, initiated by her. She was giving off all the right signs and neither of us was drunk. She seemed totally into me and I her.

When I got home I texted saying hope she got home fine and that I really enjoyed it, couldn't wait to see her again. I immediately got a reply saying that she too had really enjoyed it and that we would 'speak soon'.

I texted her the next evening asking how her day went and wondering when she was next free. Got no reply. Waited for 24 hours and rang her, got voicemail and left a message suggesting we meet up on Saturday for a picnic in the park.

This time I did get a text reply saying she couldn't make Saturday but would get her shift pattern today so would let me know when we could meet up again.

I am probably over thinking this totally and you may well all tell me not to worry, but the text she sent me was not very warm and seemed a bit disinterested, compared to our communications before the date. The lack of contact on her part other than this plus the fact that she's back on the dating site quite a lot by the looks of things (yes I know I'm a hypocrite as blatantly I was on there too, although this was largely because I was sneakily looking to see whether she was...) suggests to me that she may be having second thoughts about seeing me again (note that obviously it was ony the first date, I'm not exacty expecting her to take her profile down and marry me tomorrow! But experience has taught me that if someone really was into you, they tend to hold off the online browsing a bit...) .

Basically I really like her and would love to meet up again. Am I spoiling it by trying too hard? Ought I to've waited longer? Or alternatively do you think she might like the chase so is pulling back to see whether I will pursue her (like I did with the emails, which she has acknowledged she liked)? It just seems a bit weird to go from totally into me to not returning my text, although to be fair she has now text me back, albeit somewhat coldly and with only one kiss on the end (yep, definitely over thinking it now).

Poor girl - I think liking her has turned me (normally quite laid back) into something totally different. It's so annoying how, with girls that you're a bit 50/50 on, it's easy to do the whole 'laid back' thing but with the ones you really like, it's a total killer. I really don't want to freak her out by contacting her too much, but at the same time I did really like her and don't want to get more hurt than need be by a gradual 'fade out' on her part (why oh why do girls do this?! I find it soul destroying - wish they would just say if they didn't want to see us again)!

So, my question is, do you think my behaviour is turning her off? Is it too much? Or is it appropriate 'chasing'? What do you think I should do if she doesn't get back to me in the next couple of days with her shift pattern?

Cheers guys,


View related questions: drunk, kissing, text

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A male reader, Fools_rush_in United Kingdom +, writes (2 September 2011):

Fools_rush_in is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks guys for all your help. As predicted she hasn't yet responded with her shift pattern but I've been pretty busy anyway so it's not been bugging me as much as it might have otherwise been. I think I'm going to leave it until Sunday and if I've not heard from her then, send a message suggesting something really fun to do for next weekend. If I don't hear back from her after this, I guess - as you say - move on, next!

Thanks again,


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011):

It maybe that she liked you, but doesn't want to take it any further. I think you have made it clear that you'd like to see her again - so I'd back off now. No point in looking desperate and feeling uncomfortable about the whole thing. All may not be lost but I'd leave the ball in her court.

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A female reader, thisonestaken Canada +, writes (1 September 2011):

wow, you are a total sweetheart! your thoughtfulness and consideration is obvious. you have made contact, you have asked her out, texted her, you have done everything right.the rest is up to her. personally, i appreciate a man that does follow up after a first date, even if it didnt go both parties the opportunity to be honest:no, i dont think so, or, yes, whats happenin friday? unfortunately, not everyones honest, and they dont take the time or effort to respond at all sometimes. if its any consellation (i probably spelled that wrong lol) there ARE women out there, including myself that DONT do the "fade out" thing as you put it, that are very up front about what they want, and im thinking a more straight forward woman is more suitable for you. myself, if a guy is calling me too much, i will tell him! but most times if im into someone, its not too much, unless of course youre calling texting every 5 minutes lol. if she doesnt get a hold of you, let her go,i know how frustrating that is, but you HAVE to....NEXT!

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