A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:am i being paranoid or is it justified for me to be worried when my gf might be talking on her phone and the moment i walk into the room she will not even say bye to the person she will just hang up, when i ask who she is talking to she will just name one of her female friends. however whenever i ask to see her phone or even play a game on it she will tell me no and get annoyed if a pressure her and say that i should trust her. in the past she has caught up with ex bfs behind my back and lied about it so i am a little distrustful. sometimes if i suprise her she will also quickly close whatever she was doing or try hide the screen the moment i come into the room, one time she even tried to hide her phone under her foot and flat out refused to let me see what was on the screen. often she will allow me to see what she is doing which just makes me more suspicious because if she doesnt mind me seeing those messages or listen to those conversations, what is she trying to hide in the others? these actions just seem to me to be the actions of someone who has somthing to hide.i let her see my phone all the time, she knows all my passwords for my emails and everything. when i have tried to talk about this with her she will just get angry and say that i dont trust her and still continue doing the same things, so i havnt brought it up and have forced myself to believe her however these continued actions are driving me insane. she also NEVER lets that phone out of her sight she takes it in with her showers in a waterproof case so i can never get my hands on it to see whats on the phone. am i being paranoid or am i right to be suspicious and what can i do about this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): There are 2 things you can do1) Have it out with her, tell her you want to see that phone and if she has nothing to hide she should let you. Put your foot down on this one because you have done nothing wrong. If she calls your bluff and it turns out yes she's cheating then finish it and don't look back because she's laughing at you! Or/2) Fight fire with fire, don't leave your phone out for her to play with whenever she likes, don't give her the passwords etc. Keep your phone locked for your eyes only and tell her this is your 'privacy' and she should trust you! If she gets shifty and starts moanin about you having someone else then you have your answer...obviously her actions will play a role in what she says if you see what I'm saying!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): No one is THAT protective of their phone unless they are using it for something they don't want someone else to know about.You've given her access to your privacy, but she is not allowing you the same courtesy. I'm sorry, but this is not done. She is putting only a fraction of the what you are and a healthy relationship cannot exist that way.The only way you are going to get the truth out of her now is to talk to her, and tell her that you both must keep your phones out of the room and turned off when you do, no distractions or temptations.Then you tell her that you no longer trust her, and list all the reasons that you have here and if she still tries to play the victim card then ask her for absolute proof, if she does not give it and makes no effort to prove to you that your fears are unfounded then, I'm afraid you have your answer... the relationship won't work.If something like this happens to a couple and no one is willing to change, then it's time to move on.Or you could hire a private investigator, but if you have to pay a guy to find out something about your partner because they won't share it with you, then you have already reached the point of no return.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 if what you are saying is true and you are not exaggerating then yes,this behaviour definatley sounds iffy. taking it into the bathroom is always a red flag, abruptly ending calls, shutting down the screen and hiding what she has been reading, being defensive when you want to play a game on the phone, hiding the phone under her foot. all bad signs.
could be that she is doing these things to upset you coz she is annoyed at not being trusted, if she IS doing this just to teach you a lesson, then that is very cruel anyway.
i don't need to tell you the other likely reason for her behaviour do i?
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): I think she's giving you a reason not to trust her. Going to extreme measures, like showering with her phone in a waterproof case, sounds very suspicious to me. Hiding the screen and even putting the phone under her foot means there is something she definitely does not want you to see.
If you can't trust her in this relationship, your relationship really isn't going anywhere.
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A
female
reader, Lately  +, writes (1 September 2011):
I suggest you have a conversation with her. It does sound like she is attempting to hide something. Initially as I read this I thought that you may be parinoid because you may be hiding something ....but you said later that you allow her to see your phone. I will tell you taht she may be angry for bringing the subject up but she will be even mor angry if you sneak and take a peek. This "paranoia" is not going to lead into a healthy realationship...open lines of communication is the way to go. Let her know that what she is doing does bother you and if she does not want you to look at her phone maybe she would be willing to allow you to look at her cell phone history on the phones website. I trust my hubby but I have access to the page and if I want i could see who he is talking to and texting. Good luck. You sound like a good guy and I would hate for her to mess you up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): i don't know why everyone on here seems to ignore obvious red flags and tells people to blindly trust when there's obviously something funny going on. yes, she's being shady. i assure you she's up to something. your gut knows. and it sounds like your gut is telling you something's wrong. go with that. good luck.
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A
female
reader, Challenged +, writes (1 September 2011):
Until she gives you a reason not to trust her, you have to trust her. Otherwise, you will drive yourself nuts! if she gives you a reason not to trust her, you should move on. Life is too short to spend with someone you can't trust because trust is the absolute foundation of a love relationship.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 In my opinion, Yes. you should have trust not suspicion with a partner. To be honhest, It sounds more like a control issue which can be VERY detrimental. While paranoia is one thing...controlling is quite another. so, be honest with yourself are, you trying to be controlling? If you say to yourself."well, maybe a little", then you have a very serious relationship problem and need to re-evaluate everything. be true to youeself and be loving in everything. good luck!
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