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I've lost the passion for activities I used to love. Also considering losing my virginity before marriage. Is this normal?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 September 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 September 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

At what age is self discovery complete?. I thought I knew what I wanted in life completely at 18, but right now, my decisions seem to be fluctuating.

I wanted to keep my body, my virginity for my husband but right now if I am okay with whom I am dating I might lose it.

My perspective on life seem to be totally different from years ago. I can't say I am totally grown up, experienced or mature. I am very confused I haven't discovered myself.

I have completely lost passion towards everything(painting, photography, music) I once held dear.

Does this happen to anyone? Do we always change our perspectives as we grow older? When would one be fully mature?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 September 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIt's OK to question life, from time to time (we all do it).

Maybe go find a new gallery/art show - who knows it might inspire you. Or join a class (if you have the time). I have always found that other creative people inspire me. See, the biggest reason I have started to draw again is my 13 year old daughter, she is VERY good at drawing. Crazy talented and for her it's only a hobby. And it's inspiring. So.. when you get the "Urgh! I can't art!!" blues it's OK - just don't let it hold you back from letting people inspire you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2015):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@honiepie, I was in a state of rut but I am currently in a better place now. I often suffer from mild to severe depression from time to time. Now I am not depressed. Let's say I have no energy to do what I used to enjoy but I believe I deserve them(these are my talents).@ sageoldguy, lol

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (20 September 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI'm age 65, and my "self-discovery" is far from complete....

Good luck....

P.S. What I've "discovered" so far isn't anything to write home about!!!!!!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 September 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI forgot to add, are you doing OK with life (your life) in general? Are you feeling like you are in a rut or why have you started to question it all?

A lot of time people with depression stop enjoying things they used to love, because they feel they don't deserve to have them in their lives or because they just don't have the energy to do them.

So I was wondering a little bit if you are "rebelling" against your old self or maybe a little depressed about the new self. If that makes sense to you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 September 2015):

Honeypie agony auntAt what age is self discovery complete?

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Um, never? You constantly learn new things about yourself ( I should hope) and you can learn new things at any age. You might rediscover passions for things 20 years after you "gave" up on them, you might find new ones.

Passions (for hobbies) can come and go. I was really into photo editing/photoshop, but it's something I rarely do now. I used to write a LOT, which I haven't done in a while. But I have picked up my drawing again, something I gave up 15 years ago when I had my oldest daughter.

It might be time for you to try out new things, see what else you are good at, what else you enjoy.

If you feel no sex till marriage is what YOU want for YOU, then I'd say hold on to that thought. Though for me... the notion of "saving" yourself for a MAN seems.. well, out-dated. Doing for for yourself? THAT I can understand.

And yes, most people get horny from time to time. Most people get curious about things they haven't done or aren't supposed to do... But again, BE more than OK with a guy before considering sex. I think for someone who had the view of "no sex till marriage" it is a GIANT step to decide I'm fine with sex before marriage now.

You are still maturing and coming into your own. So it's not really a big wonder that you don't want the same things as you did at 18. I always thought it was a little rough that teenagers had to pick their "future" job before they even HAD any work experience. THAT, however, doesn't mean you shouldn't try and set some goals for yourself.

You ask when are we fully mature? I can't answer that because there isn't ONE simple answer. For one person that might be at 30 another at 40 or 25. I think the goal is to not look for a "deadline" but to grow as you go.

Nothing is set in stone and each of us are unique individuals. Grow and mature on YOUR pace.

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