A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I left my husband of three years last weekend. We have two children together and I have a older daughter that he was parenting for 4 years. He says that I have broken up our family and he will not see the kids anymore. That if they want they can find him when they are 18 years old.I feel as if him not seeing the kids would be my fault because I left, yet at the same time statements and actions like the one he made about the children is why I left. How do I know if I have done the right thing? All we ever did is fight. He would not let me work and told me that 'he makes all of the decisions because he is the man and that is what the bible says'. He also strugles with a drug addiction to cocaine. I know it sounds crazy that I question my choice but what do I do for my children all under the age of five. I can't make him see them unless I am with him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (24 September 2008):
 If your arguing all the time, and the guy is on drugs, i would make the same decision myself! So thats that one sorted.
As for him refusing to see the children, thats disgusting, and just about says a lot about the type of person he is. Could you see yourself putting up with that sort of person for the next 15/20 yrs? I doubt it. You have made a decision to bring your children up in a stable home, which wasn't happening when he was living there. Him blackmailing you about the children is terrible, and he should be ashamed of himself, but he probably wont be. And that is out of your control. If you are not stopping him seeing them, but he is, as sad as it is, that is out of your hands. And your children will know that when they are older. If he thinks they will wanna look him up when they are 18, he might well find that doesn't happen! Try and get him to realise that.
C xxxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): Why would you WANT them in contact with such a pious moron?
I would get a court order to say he HAS to take them for a certain amount of time each fortnight. And he will face jail-time if he doesn't.
You don't get to eschew responsiblities, so don't let this backwards-thinking ape-man.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, dollparts  +, writes (24 September 2008):
 You have done the right thing!! And its not your fault! You can't be with some one so controling and cheuvansitic and you can't have your children around some one whos addicited to cocaine. Its really not your fault you've done the right thing and don't let him make you think other wise. If he doesn't want to see his kids thats his loss not yours but he's being selfish. What he's done is sort of like blackmailing you and it's wrong. He'll come around one day he will. Those children are still his resonsbilty so go after his for child suport if need be. If you ever want to talk message me I'm always here and I'm a good listener.
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