A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello agony aunts, i am just recently engaged and have been with my fiance for 10 years. although i know that this engagement is the next logical step in our relationship, i can't help but feel that there is something missing. all of the passion and excitment has seemed to disappear within the time that we have been engaged and all of a sudden i am longing for space. i am usually a happy-go-lucky type of person and my fiance has noticed that i have been feeling depressed as of late. my attempts at trying to cheer myself up by spending time with friends, family, and my fiance have failed miserably. my question is...what do i do now? i don't want to hurt my fiance, but i feel like i need to pull away for a little while. thank you all in advance for your help.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 You're in the 26-29 age bracked and have been with your fiance for 10 years which means you got together very young and probably haven't dated many men. Now that you're engaged you feel tied, resentful and unsure if this is what you really want. For those reasons alone you need to take time out to yourself to go it alone for a while and see what else is "out there". If you don't you'll only resent him more as time goes on.
My advice to you would be to break off the engagement with him (I know it will be difficult, what will he think and what will everyone else say) but at the end of the day it's how YOU feel that matters. Do you want to marry this man and spend the rest of your life with him harbouring resentment about what else you could have done? Tell him how you feel, tell him you need a break to find yourself again and see if you really love him. Get out there and have fun with your friends, go on holiday with them, have girly nights in without having to report to your boyfriend or feeling guilty about what you've been doing.
It may be that once you take this break you realise that he is the one you want to be with but only a break will determine this. You might find that you don't miss him at all and that you love your new found freedom and if that's the case then you did the right thing and at least you know. 10 years is a long time to be together and if you harbour these doubts and feel there's something missing now... how do you think you're going to feel once you're married? Your resentment and need for space will only grow!
Take that break, explain to him and take this much needed time out for yourself. I've given you a link that you'll find helpful which talks about "finding yourself" again.
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. Take this much needed time out to think about your future and what YOU want from it and then make your decision. At least that way you're being honest with him... and more importantly WITH YOURSELF!
Good luck in your journey.
~Eve~
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Sounds like you're having second thoughts on if he's the right one to walk down the isle with or not. I'd say, if you don't love him like you should in an engagement, you need to pull away. Your "missing" something is generally personal. There's something that's off balance. Either way, take some time to figure out what that is. If it's going out to see what else is out there, you're not ready to get married.
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