A
female
age
41-50,
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writes:6 years ago I regretably broke up with the greatest man I have ever been with. He recently found me. My concern is that at the time, when we were together, I was drop dead gorgeous. Since then, I have gained 40 pounds! I am scared to death of what he will think when he sees me. My father died, I had 2 major stomach surgeries and then I just quit caring how I look. I know that I can loose the weight. ...but in the meantime, could this blow our chance when we reunite? Is it worth postponing until I do lose the weight? Realistically, how important is this to a man?
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female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Men are visual, they like to present the woman next to them as "trophy" so that the other men would envy them.I would postpone the meeting 6-9 months, meanwhile fighting to lose the extra weight. Eat healthy, do gym, love yourself. I figure if 6 years passed by, a few months more will not kill you. You can invent an excuse of your choice for postponing the meeting.And then again: did he share the same feelings?While I agree that you will not be doing this for him, but for yourself, I must tell you as an ex-fat girl myself that the moment the kilos started vanishing, the men started appearing. And I got a boost of self confidence that really helps when choosing the person you really want to be with.(saves you from neediness, the sensation men get that you will accept anything they give just because you are overweight, therefore treating you like crap)You need to find the motivation inside of you. After that - it is easy, I can promise you that.
A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (16 September 2011):
 You can be a little thick and still sexy. Not all men are into pencil thin women. If youre serious about losing weight, you need to be tired of being larger, not trying to impress one man. If you rely on that you'll never go through with losing the weight. Good luck
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (16 September 2011):
resentment may play a part in it now, if you were drop dead gorgeous...lol, now youre a lot of people would hold that against you. We all have preferences so to say something is important to one person is very hard to predict. He maybe find with you now. Have you told him your concerns?
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A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 I understand you're in panic mode. Men are visual creatures. The best advise I'd give you is this, if you can't feel comfortable enough to function then don't see him. You want to be able to receive a person in the the dating world. You have to be receptive of their words and what they are bringing to the table. If you are too distracted with your appearance and worried about being judged, then your anxiety will be apparent to him.
If you can present yourself the best way that you are now and feel content and confident, then go for it! Life effects everyone in different ways, who knows what he's been through. In the end, if he is someone worth the trouble he won't mind the physical change in you.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Like women, every man is different. I suppose I would not like to be involved with a man that this mattered so much to, but if you are concerned, then postpone the 'meet'.
You can be sexy 40lbs heavier if you FEEL sexy, but it doesn't sound like you do at the moment.
You've had a hard go of it recently. Be good to yourself. Indulge yourself so you feel sexy and happy. Lose the weight and be healthy... get manicures and a haircut, if you want... but do it for you, not anyone else.
It's been 6 years for him, too. Maybe he's put on weight, too!
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Hi, It's only important to know what your guy thinks about it isn't it? You'll be the best judge of that and not any of us.I would invest in a fantastic hairdo and outfit though. If he's right for you it won't matter. Good Luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): I personally think that if he wants to get back together, then he needs to get to know the person you have become. It is good for you to get back in shape, of course, and you should work toward that goal. But you are not the same person you were six years ago. You've been through hard times and that changes your character as well as your appearance. If he is unwilling to see your beauty through your weight, then maybe he isn't the right person. Who knows, maybe he gained weight, too! (Or went bald!) But I would not suprise him with this change. Be honest with him and say due to your hard times you did put on some weight, but are working on getting back in shape. But you may never recover the size or look you once had, that's just normal life and nothing to be ashamed of.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011):
First, do you look like yourself but just larger? Second, are you still attractive? I know a few obese women that are still attractive. Last, how important was that to him before? If your appearance meant a lot to him before he might not be into it. Then again, do you want to be with a guy like that?
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