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I've found out my wife is a slut

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2009) 20 Answers - (Newest, 6 April 2011)
A male United States age 22-25, *uckedup14 writes:

Hello everyone. I'm 20 years old and my wife is 33 as of August 2, 2009. I just found out Saturday night August 8, 2009, that, well what I believe is a slut. She told over her 32 years of living she has had, 14 sexual partners. Some were one night stands, some where just flings, and two of them where with women. She has a tattoo of of someone from her past on her left chest. Just something have too look at for the rest of my life. Also from all of the people she had been with her vagina wide. So sex is not the best at all times. She has also been on a T.V dating show. Which I think is for loser and people with no self respect. I'm at the point where I don't know what to do? any advise?

View related questions: her past, one night stand, tattoo, vagina

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011):

Friend - She's lying in ways you can't comprehend. All the women on here are trying to convince you that you bought it so now you have to keep it. DUMP HER! If you're with a woman who has another man's name on her body and you aren't just using her for sex and that's it - you are insane!!! Never marry. Just trade one girl in for the next. They are all willing to do it. Never commit.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009):

your a wuss 14 partners isnt very many at all .. maby you should have grown up alittle more b4 you got married

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009):

i think you have been getting some nasty posts here and i think it is uncalled for. so lets try to clear some things up.

- you are 20, she is 33

- did she tell you about her sexual history prior to you finding out.

- you say that her vigina is loose- as the others pointed out, a number of reasons for this. but be rest assured, it is not he size/width of your penis. over the years yes it does become "loose" not because of the number of men she slept with. there is an operation that can fix it. speak to her about this. it is relatively inexpensive (but nowadays eveything is), if she is on medical aid, find out from the gynae whether there an op is the best solution. all she needs is a few extra sticthes and then she will be as tight as ever. how do i know this. my hubby told me about the 'looseness" after i had my second child. saw my gynae, i was very very embarressed but had to address my problem. 3 years later, still very tight after the op, hubby is happy and so am I. it is about COMMUNICATION.

- have you asked yourself what do you expect or want from this marriage.

-why are you so repulsed by her. what has she actually done. is she belittling you. is the age difference to wide that you just cannot get over her past.

- you are not a bad guy, maybe confused by her non disclosure, hurt by the number of men who have "had' your wife. think about this. if you really cannot accept her as she is, then it is time to move on.

- if you cannot get over your emotions then it will fester, eat at you , until you explode.

i really wish you well in finding the answers you desperately need. i also hope you find closure about her sexual history. good luck and take care.

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A male reader, talon662 United States +, writes (12 August 2009):

If you can't get over her past and yourself then you should leave this relationship

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A male reader, heartfullalove Ireland + , writes (12 August 2009):

heartfullalove agony auntI assume all the other 14 sexual partners were before she married you, rather than after? If so, you shouldn't be worried. It doesn't sound like a whole lot for someone in their 30s. If I make it to that age and have kept it down to 14 or less, I'll feel entitled to a Nobel Prize For Sexual Purity.

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A female reader, sum4gvn United States +, writes (12 August 2009):

sum4gvn agony auntI have a lot of thoughts on this question but I'll focus on one. Your wife is 33, right? IF she had her first sexual experience when she was 20, which is doubtful, then she's had an average of 1 sexual partner per year. That's not my definition of a slut. And besides, you married her. The way you talk it sounds like you were in a coma the whole courtship and just came out of it after you were married. And, btw, I would totally disregard the advice to cheat on her every chance you get because all women are sluts. That guy sounds like a miserable human.

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A male reader, MBaachman United States +, writes (12 August 2009):

14 men by age 33? She's practically a virgin. Get over it dude, some of us are dealing with 22 year olds with 30+ partners. Try living with that...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009):

You made a mistake of getting married and it sounds like you are suffering from RetroActive Jealousy. Many people suffer from this Disease. All you can do is live day to day with this tormenting you. I have had RJ for over 20 years with my marriage. What I have learned is that when a man marries a woman, he is just marrying another man's slut! ALL women are sluts. So, when you get married, your just marrying some other guy's slut. The only thing that makes me feel better is to lie to my wife and tell her I love her and cheat on her evey chance I get! (Kind of evening the score I suppose) Do this and you will feel 1000 times better.

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A male reader, shodogg United States +, writes (11 August 2009):

shodogg agony auntSurely y'all had sex before marriage, and you didn't notice how "loose" her vagina was then? So now, lo and be-hold, after the marriage you noticed "her vagina wide". Tell me, how or why all of a sudden you noticed what a tight vagina should feel like, or -unless- have you been out cheating?

Before I possibly wast another breath on this let me iterate: that if this is indeed not a fake/phony scenario, then even before y'all got married she would have already possessed a "wide vagina", and so you where silently always wondering about that (why your dick wasn't tracking the pussy). Now come "Saturday night August 8, 2009", when she tells you of at least 14 past close encounters. So now in your mind you connect the dots -BINGO(!). So that's why that "vagina wide".

News Flash!: How about did your ding-a-ling shrink or shrivel a little since? Another News flash is vagina's don't become permanently loose due to penile penetration a few minutes at a time. The vagina is a very resilient, elastic type muscle. If any permanent looseness is attributed to a vagina, it's more a "high probable" that the muscles where stretched during "normal" child birthing, and not re-tightened through a kegel and aerobics exercise or regular sexual intercourse induced orgasms.

It's more of a myth that whoring around in the past permanently loosens a vagina for the present/future.

So if your wife's pussy ain't gripping your dick by the balls by now, then it's probably sucking on a much bigger dick -not in the past, but right here in the present.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009):

grow up young man! if a man can have many sex partners and be labelled a stud then a woman is entitled to have many sex partners without being labelled anything bad. you should realise you are being totally unfair and irrational.as another poster said if you wanted to marry a nun yuo should have done so instead.she is normal,not a 'slut'.

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A male reader, cheated Australia +, writes (10 August 2009):

wow, you seem so upset by this. now was your wife "loose" before you found out??? doubt it... how many girls have you slept with??? if a guy sleeps with 14 girls he is a stud, but if a lady sleeps with 14 guys she's a slut.

WRONG.

i personally have slept only with 7 girls, my wife has slept with, well lets say more and she is tight. by the way she has also had 5 children.. as for being with a couple of ladies well i could only wish my wife would or at least talk to me about stuff like that....

mate there are worst thinks to drive you crazy such as; if she had had an affair etc.

trust me, i am trying to get over my wife having an affair and i think i would rather no she slept with a few in her past than to go through with this type of crap..

good luck mate and please keep using these columns as it does help. made a huge difference with how i am feeling with my troubles.

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A female reader, busy04 United States +, writes (10 August 2009):

busy04 agony auntYou should of thought of all this before you married her!!!!!

She's older than you, therefore she is entitled to have had more experiences. If you wanted to marry a nun, then you should have married one. Get over yourself & love your wife for who she is now, not what she's been before she had you!

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A male reader, Pyroshadow United States +, writes (10 August 2009):

I have a problem with what my girlfriend has done in the past. and trust me, your wife is an an angel compaired to my gf.

To each is their own. Talk it over with her. And if she that 'loss' there are things YOU can do about it.

there are postions that will make her seem tighter.

"Doggie" sytle with her knees drawn together does wonders for both you and how big you feel inside her. Try it out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

did you know about her sexual past when you met her. if you did then she did not lie to you but if she did not reveal her sexual numbers then i think she deliberately tried to hoodwink you.

you sound frustrated, irritated, and i also think you are very very hurt that perhaps she was not selective in her choose of sexual partners. the age gap is also a concern. soon you will tire of her and then what. currently you need to tell her how you are feeling. she needs to know that you are uncomfortable with her sexual past. you both need to discuss this if you want your marriage to survive. regarding her "losseness" in the vigina, maybe she had kids. women do get loose and they also need to do kegel excises to help them keep tight.

i wish you well but please start talking to her. she seems to have been "desperate" to find the right one. she choose you didn't she, so maybe you both are soul mates, inspite of the age and sexual difference. please tell her how you are feeling. you need to talk to someone (i am hoping it will be her) before you explode wuth this rage.

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A female reader, WDE123 United States +, writes (10 August 2009):

I agree with the first person. I think there is something else bothering you. Maybe you think she is being "slutty" NOW? She is 13 years your senior so she Will def. have a much more extensive past than yours. Either way like I said I think it is something else.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

First of all, she sounds like she's had a very normal sex life to me. If you didn't know this before you married her then apparently her vagina must of felt pretty good. Good enough for the rest of your life eh? The only problem I see is your to immature to deal with reality. Do you think your the best she's ever had? I seriously doubt it. Get a grip and grow up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

This is something that happened in the past and you can't change it so if you want your marriage to work you will have to learn to live with your wife's past.

Your wife is considerably older than you so must expect her to have had a more of a sexual past and it sounds like she has been totally honest with you. I'd had more than 14 sexual partners by the time I was 32 and so have a lot of women. I certainly don't consider myself a slut. And it's not something I'd discuss at length with a current partner - what's in the past is in the past.

I agree with rhythmandblues2 - how come none of this was an issue before the wedding??

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

How well did you know your wife when you got married? Was her tatoo covered up until the wedding night?

Are you sure her vagina is too wide, or do you just need a bigger penis? A vagina does not get wide from multiple sex partners, it accommodates the size of what ever is inserted into it. She just may need to strengthen her pelvic floor muscles with Kegel's or give you more of a squeeze during sex....

As far as a TV dating show being for losers and people with no self respect, I don't think that is the general consensus, but what ever. And it sounds like she did some sexual experimenting in her past as a lot of us do and she has 13 years of experience on you, were you a virgin when you met?

What is the real problem, dude? This sounds like a bunch of whining to me......what is really bothering you about marriage to this particular woman?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

This is a whole list of things that needed to be discussed and dealt with before you got married to the person.

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A female reader, kaylagal United States +, writes (10 August 2009):

kaylagal agony auntWe all have a past. The big question is, is she still exhibiting sluttish behavior. If she is, then you might opt for a divorce. If not, then let it go, it's her past. If her vagina is wide, maybe suggest kegel exercise, that will help strengthen those muscles.

good luck

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