A
male
age
36-40,
*ewbie85
writes:Hey guys/gals,So I have a bit of a problem; I've basically lived my entire life in sexual self-denial. I've been with girls, had girlfriends, I've been told I'm good looking, etc ... but I'm gay. I can't deny it any longer and the thought of being with another guy (both physically and emotionally is beyond exciting, it's who I truly am and I honestly can't picture myself living any other way). The thing is, I'm 25, have never been with a guy, have NO gay friends, and have only told a few people about myself. I feel like such a loser because of this. I bought a dildo and tried using it but it did absolutely NOTHING for me (I felt like I had to pee, and it was SO uncomfortable! I used LOTS of lube and did everything by the book -- mind you, I'm sure I was overly nervous). Do things get better? I've read so many things online about the supposed wonders of anal sex, yet sadly I haven't experienced any of them :( I guess I'm concerned because I see guys at gay clubs that are really attractive (some of them even express interest in me) but then, because I realize I have ZERO experience, I shamefully turn away. What should I do? Do you think other guys care if I have no experience this late in life? Most gay guys are fooling around with each other at 16-17 ... I'm fricking 25 years old! Any and all advice/insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks all . . .
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male
reader, Lost in the Malestom  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 I was in a boat a little worse than yours...I didn't have my first experience with a man until I was 37...I finally lost my verginity to a very sweet german prostitute named alex. He was very understanding and helped me with my first experience. Once it was done, I felt freed to continue experimenting. Not that I recommend necessarily using a prostitute, but it took me to have the experience to figure out that it really wasn't a big deal. When you are with a man who understands you, it won't matter what happens, just as long as you are together. I have always dreamed of helping someone just like alex did for me. While I always knew I was gay, however being scared in my job and my family always kept it supressed. I finally went to a place that was completely gay friendly, in my case Mykonos. It was very freeing, everyone was gay, I was immersed in it all. I spoke to everyone and they treated me like an equal, just another person. I recommend you try the same. As for the anal sex thing...it does get better, however, you may just find that you enjoy being a top better than a bottom, or whatever you like you like. Try it all, and you'll be fine...Don't worry about you going with someone and not knowing what to do, you will.
A
male
reader, newbie85 +, writes (10 December 2010):
newbie85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ anonymous - thanks for your answer. I'm sure things will work out with you too! All the best.
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A
male
reader, newbie85 +, writes (10 December 2010):
newbie85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@AvgGuy1 - Thanks so much for your answer! I definitely feel better. Anal didn't really hurt as much as it was just so uncomfortable, but I'm sure that with time things will improve. I just hope that my lack of experience with guys isn't a turn off for some.
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Dude,
I'm not 47. I didn't have any physical experience with another guy until I was like 24 - as well... other than a little touchy-touchy when I was in high school.
You've gotten past the acceptance phase - that of recognizing that you are indeed gay and want to be with another guy - now, it's just a matter of making it happen.
Anal sex does get better... you just have to be with the right person and relaxed enough to enjoy it. It will hurt during initial penetration but once you get into it... it feels good (unless he's too big for you - and then it'll probably just continue to be painful).
Don't worry about the experience bit... especially when you're at a gay club. You never know how much experience the other guy has... and trust me. Some/Most guys get kind of turned on by the thought of 'turning out' a newbie. You just have to make sure that you don't do, or let them do to you, something that you're not comfortable with. If you find someone who's interested. Go for it. It's the only way you're going to get any experience.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Hello stranger,
Your post touched me to say the very least. I find myself in a somewhat similar situation. You know, excluding the denial part. Most of my friends, and my family know.All I can say from my part, is don't rush into relations with people you don't care to invest actual feelings with. And don't you fret your situation--you will find someone worthy who will wait until you're ready.
Besides, there are plenty people in the world, like us that are gay with zero experience, so yeah it might take a while but you'll find what you're looking for. I am 20, and have like zero experience with anyone, but myself...lol. Kind of sad when you think about it, but I remain optimistic, and you should see it that way too! Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 December 2010):
 It;s like everything else in life, some start young, some start later in life.
The fact that you have overcome your initial denial is huge.
I seriously doubt any guy out there would have a problem with dating a guy who had no experience. We all got to learn at some point.
Just don't sleep around to figure this out. Nothing worse then a slut, be it a guy or a girl.
And get out there!
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