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I've fallen for him, but I don't want to get him into trouble ...

Tagged as: Age differences, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 1 June 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *eskaa writes:

I'm 17 and I have recently fallen for a man who is really lovely, a complete gentleman and who wouldn't force me into anything I wouldn't want to do. Great right? Yeah...but he's 27. 10 years older than me. But I feel completely comfortable and at ease around him.

We have had one whole afternoon together where we just kissed and it was really nice, but I don't wanna get him into trouble.

Help!!!

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A female reader, KandiSav31 United States +, writes (1 June 2012):

@Jeskaa No problem.

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A female reader, Jeskaa United Kingdom +, writes (1 June 2012):

Jeskaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@ KandiSav31 thank you :)

The work experience was on a yard, he has met both my parents a few times. I know a lot about his home life, friends, family, what he wants to do in the future and what he's done in the past etc I think it's still very wise to be careful & let him know exactly what I don't want. Thanks for the advise!

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A female reader, KandiSav31 United States +, writes (1 June 2012):

I understand exactly what you are going through, i started dating my bf at 18 and my boyfriend is 27, we are exactly 9 years apart,our bdays fall a day apart. We've been together a little over a year. My advice is

1. get to know him very well before starting anything serious(just like any relationship)

2. make sure you know he's not only interested in you for sex and that hes comfortable with the age difference.

3. Talk to your parents about their opinion in dating him, honestly they probably wont like it but if they trust you will make the right decisions, after they get to know him, they may be more comfortable with it. (That was in my case)

4. If he's more mature and acts like a 27 yr old. Be prepared that he may not want to do some of the things you do.

5. At his age he also maybe looking for something long-term, so if you have doubts about being together more than 3-6 months maybe its not the right thing to jump into.

You should be set if you two genuinely get along, I hope things work out for you :)

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (24 May 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntBe cautious for now. What kind of work experience was it, out of curiosity? You've spent an afternoon kissing, he's working up to more. What more do you know about him? Have you talked about his family and friends? Have your family and friends met him?

I think it would be very reasonable of you to tell him that you want him to meet your parents so that they can get to know him. Tell him that will make you more comfortable, and that you can show him off a bit.

How he reacts to that suggestion will tell you a lot about what his intentions are in that area. A guy who really wants to date you for real, will show up. A guy who isn't as honest will probably not want to have anything to do with meeting the girl's parents.

Good luck!

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A female reader, Jeskaa United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2012):

Jeskaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I met him on work experience (college) and have spent quite a few days alone with him, I've told my friends and family about him. I wouldn't want to get him in trouble with work or anything. My friends are a little concerned about the fact that he's so much older and could be saying things just to gain my trust which is a valid point

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (21 May 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntA ten year age gap at 27 and 37 is not too bad. At 17 and 27 it’s pretty big. Who would he get in trouble with?

Are you telling your parents about him? Why or why not?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012):

not advisable . what exactly is his past? what is he?how did you get to know him?how come it happened with such an older man?beware he might be artificial in his "gentlemanliness"

10 yrs is not a bad difference though but if you are looking for a serious relationship,this one sounds like risky.

if you just want casual fun thats different, then it wouldn't matter he's 27/47 .

i am assuming that you want a serious relationship...then i'm afraid you might be setting your foot in quick sand

by your lack of giving details about this situation..you seem to be very naive,captivated by his well experienced tactics , charm and his tried and tested ways of getting a girl to do what he wants her to..

i'm not asking you to leave him..i know you won't but atleast try to avoid getting physical with him..instead,get to know him ..observe his behavior,treatment and try to find out how much you mean to him, what he really wants from you, if he's being honest in every way,most importantly look if he's respecting your choice to not get physical ... wait until you are 18.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (20 May 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntI'm sorry, you've already reached the stage where you are saying "he's a complete gentleman... who won't force me into anything I wouldn't want to do"? Hello? Translation to your parents: I've met a guy who's older than me and is gentling me along until my boundaries are blurred. He's very charming and good at selling himself.

So let's start with the basics, how did you two meet? How long have you known him? Do you have any mutual friends? Have you told your family or friends about him?

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