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51-59,
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writes: I've done it again, put my life on hold for another manWhat's it all about, this dating stuff? I don't call him ever, new rule for me, he calls once a week to hook up. It's all very very good stuff, but now I find myself lost in the newness, waiting for that damned call and putting others on hold so I can make time for us. But where is this world has my mind gone, my life? Before this man, I remember I did have one and it was going just fine, now it feels empty, have I really been lying to myself about feeling not alone? I don't know, I'm busy, lots to do, but can't think of anything else now except this man. It's ridiculous and makes me wonder about my sanity. I feel as if I could go off the deep end lately. I guess what it gets right down to is I want more. There, I said it, only problem is I don't know how to get it.To ask for it, or just do what I always do and live my life alone. I can no longer take crumbs from lovers, that's the bottom line. I want a union not a reunion.Any thoughts, appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Hi msIntegrity,
I am so happy to hear that you are doing better and that you both decided to give the relationship a new chance. Why not? If he's willing to compromise I don't see why not give another chance. I am just happy that you took handle the situation when you were not happy, shows that you are a strong woman and knows what you want. Shows that you love yourself and you are confident. As you describe how the relationship have developed, to me I see a lot of improvement from him. It's great that you do have a toothbrush and keys to his home. That's a huge step!!! Specially from him. See, you have to understand his point if view too. Some men have difficulties communicating in a relationship, they don't understand what woman wants, and depending how he was raised, his past relationships, that's why he probably wasn't sure about being in a committed serious relationship. I know you have your own needs, but make sure to consider his too. Relationships are about getting to know each other, and creating trust and that might that a while for some people.
I am just happy that you are together, and finally found a balance in your relationship. Just know the fact that his being open with his feelings is a huge step... Hopefully it will only get better for now on... Happy new years!!! I hope you have a wonderful year, and hope you both can make many happy memories together!!
Best wishes
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, almost 2 months later now and yes, I'm still with this man. It has been very slow but I can say he's been taking a steady lead. I have been persistent about my wanting to move the RS to more commitment, slowly getting to know each other and sharing more. He has been very giving and understanding. I have a toothbrush at his place now and he gave me the keys to his place at Christmas. I guess what is happening is I am aiming for a balance, my life and our life. His lead helps in that I have time to take care of my everyday life and also enjoy our together time. I did have to risk the RS by asking for what I wanted."I love our time together, I want more of it" Surprisingly enough I found out from him that he wanted more time with me also. But that took two more months for him. I'm still in and will continue this course, it's a new one for me, so I'll see where it goes while I continue doing my life, at least without the feelings of uncertainty, and I guess that is what is all came down to. Security in the RS. I can provide, loyalty, patience and security I do seek it in others.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply chickpea2011 And I will do just that!I have a no return policy of one week of NC after that I've decided I no longer want that person in my life. How can I build a history with 4 dates a month. Impossible. I let it go with a wish and a kiss and move along, so much to do anyways. It was good though, I'll give it that, it was very very good. May the next one be better!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStop doing the opposite, good food for thought, maybe I am doing just that. Maybe I have fears of asking for more. It's backfired in the past, so I am very careful now not to ask for too much at the beginning of my relationships. I just know that if I push to hard it's going to dissolve. I don't want someone that doesn't want me, or wants me conditionally.But I do know that from this relationship I do want more. At least I may be on the right track to finding that. I also begin to realize that all that lovey-dovey I feel has been manifested in my head, my soul. It's probably a overload of chemistry and desire and 90% my creation.So that's a bonus, I can create my own happiness and true contentment. Sometimes it takes a little from someone else and I'm off to the races in my world. What I will do is learn to ask for what I want from a Relationship with an easy assertiveness, kinda of like "You have something I really like, how often can you share that?"Than from there decide if that's enough for me. But yearning is not learning. This Questioning and waiting no longer serves me.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (19 November 2011):
Hi,I guess he's one of those people that wants to take things slowly? I don't think that there's nothing wrong with you. I just think that he doesn't want the same things you do. You should never put your life on hold for anyone. You should always do what you want, and what makes you happy. When you are in a relationship, you should never feel this way. Wondering? Rather the relationship is new, or old, when you have feelings for someone, I think no matter how busy you are, you'll always make time to meet the person as much as you can. Also, when you cannot meet, it's only normal you call, and text daily. Don't you agree? If you care, wouldn't you want to talk? Ask how's the day going? Etc?? At least, that's how I feel. My opinion is, if you want to continue seeing him, that's fine. But, if you are not happy with the arrangments, you should keep your options open, and meet someone that is willing to share a life with you together. Not just part time. Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): I know the feeling i keep doing it too and the annoying thing is, they treat me rubbish yet they have the cheek to dump me. It feels more lonely I'n a relationship where you hardly see your partner than it does out one i find. you do want more so you shouldn't settle with anyone that doesn't give you more time. If a guy is really into you he will make time and he will want to see you more anyway as they will be falling I'm love with you. Tell him you are not happy and you want more from the relationship. If he doesnt come to an understanding with you after that then move on and don't settle with anyone else unless they have time for you. You are a prize , make them treat and respect you like you are. Good luck x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): If that is what you want, why are you doing the opposite? Suck it up and do whats going to be good for you in the long run. You know what that is, so stop doing the opposite. Its that easy.
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