A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am divorced for six years and although I have dated a little, haven't found the right guy. I have recently met a wonderful man, who is really decent and honest and treats me very well and I know he really cares about me and vice versa.The problem is he has been laid off from his job about a year ago, was on unemployment, and before he started looking for a job, he broke his hand in a bad way that required a couple of surgeries. Despite physical therapy, he still doesn't not have a full motion range in that hand. He is now saying that he will start looking for a job, but he can't really do anything physical because of his hand, and he does not have a college education to do an office job. I am well educated and have a good job. He wants to be with me and he is really great, but I am afraid I will end up supporting him. Should I still give him a chance despite this? Again, he is a really good person and total opposite of my husband, who was verbally and emotionally abusive. I am not into money, but I work very hard for everything I have and I need a partner who will contribute to the household. I really don't want to seem shallow but what if it takes a year for him to find a job in today's economy? He lives in another state, so for us to be together he would have to move in with me. I've been waiting for six years to find someone like him and now I don't know what to do.
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divorce, emotionally abusive, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for responding! No, I haven't met him online, I actually met him in person, we traveled back and forth to be together and I can tell he is in love with me, and I am in love with him. I honestly think I should give him a chance, because if this happened to me, I would like someone to stand by me, regardless. He is really loving and caring and I think I will go for it, just needed some reassurance. Thanks again, all of you!!!
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (13 January 2010):
 give it 18 months seewhat happens, he should go to school so he can get a better job hes old so it could be hard but with age comes wisdom so he should manage i would say go for it untill your gut tells you other wise
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (12 January 2010):
 I can understand your position. It's an unfortunate situation.
I can only tell you what I would do. If I really loved him and wanted to be with him, I would hang in there a while and see how it goes. The job market is bad all over and so many men are out of work now. His injury adds to the problem. If he doesn't seem like a lazy guy, who is looking for a care-taker, give him some time to get his act together.
If he does seem content to have you foot the bills, and take care of him, get rid of him quickly!
You have to be honest with yourself, look for the red flags, and trust your gut!
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (12 January 2010):
 Should you start a relationship with this man? You are the only one in position to answer this question. From what you describe, he doesn't sound like a guy that is bottom feeding. He seems like a guy that is down on his luck. He has some great qualities: 1. previous steady employment 2. a solid education 3. he treats you good. If he was just sitting around the house waiting for his favorite game show to come on, I would tell you to show him the door. I have a feeling, he is the type of guy that won't sit back and watch you make all the money. I say give him a chance. The economy is bad and he is recovering from an injury. If all else fails, show him the door!
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (12 January 2010):
Well u simply have 2 choices. In life we rarely get the best of both worlds so sometimes u have to choose. What's more important? To have someone who is good and gracious towards you or someone who makes good money to contribute? U can hold out for one that is both but u may be waiting for a long time. My advice? Give him a shot will ya. Contributing to a household is more than just monetary contribution. Don't u want a guy who will feel lucky and gracious that u chose him despite his downfall? And most of all wudnt u want a man to love you and take you despite ur downfalls? If u have a heart for him stop fussin over monetary thngs and give him a chance.
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