A
female
age
41-50,
*opeful82
writes:I have been in a relationship for five years. It has been really hard, because I have been put to the side so many times. I have been stood up, and I expressed how I felt. He promised to change, showed up at work with roses, and told me he loved me, and things would change. Gradually, they have started to.He has an issue going on in his life that is requiring a lot of his attention. Which, it could not have come at a worse time than this. I was so happy thinking that he would finally love me and would not push me away anymore. Then he told me last night that our relationship is going to have to be pushed aside for a while. It is breaking my heart, because I think I am never ever going to have him fully be with me. I know I am being so selfish, but I just wanted things to be okay for once. I just wanted to feel loved and wanted by him.Do you have any advice for me, it would be so nice. I don't want to react irrationally.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hopeful82 +, writes (24 July 2009):
hopeful82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for all of your contributions!! All of you had fantastic answers, and you all brought up very good points. Thanks for taking the time to help me in my situation
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 Hes standing you up cos of his job? Is that right? I never heard of such a thing. He's treating you like nonsense. stop hanging around, waiting for him to change. Big mistake..dump him x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): I don't know what he does for a living that is so time consuming and problematic that he can't have a relationship with you. Yes, he may have to be away for awhile and you may have to wait on him, that is no big deal, but if he has to disappear all together than that is not good.
This relationship has been going on for five years, it does not take five years for a man to ask you to marry him if that is what you are hoping and waiting for.
I think him standing you up is inexcusable and I would have broken up with him over that had it been me, but you know him best and what the circumstances are.
I think it is time you stopped focusing on him and what he is doing and really try and focus on you and your life without him....do what makes you happy and fulfilled and let him try to fit into your schedule. That way you are taking care of yourself and not getting disappointed by him.
Also, if he hasn't stepped up and told you that you are the one he wants to be with forever, then start dating some other men and let him know he can't have you all to himself while he goes off and does his own thing and can't make up his mind about you and your place in his life.
He lacks motivation to change anything because you have allowed him to treat you this way. He doesn't lack insight, I am sure that after five years he knows what you want from him, it's time to let him know that you are not playing a waiting game any longer. You are going to live your own life with or without him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): If you love him so much,you first have to think about the most important part of your relashionship and see if it really deserves to be continued.Be a strong women and never fall back just for a man.There are plenty of men in this world.
Good luck.Vlad
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): A decent relationship involves people balancing their life and not pushing people out to focus on themselves. I would give up on him its been happening and defaulting back to his old ways each time for too long. I speak from experience I was married to a man who for 15 years of our miserable marriage put his career first. They never change but you can decide you don't want this life and move on. He is taking you for granted and you are letting him.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (16 July 2009):
Ok, so pretty much he's telling you that his job comes before the relationship. Well that REALLY sucks! I think he's definitely putting his own needs ahead of yours and you should really stand up for yourself. He does this because he knows you'll be there still and seem to be ok with it even though you are not. Either you break up with him or you start doing what makes yourself happy while he works through his own troubles. Meaning that he can start seeing you when it's convenient for YOU and not him. It's simple, next time he wants to see you either you're busy or you stand him up. Seriously, you have to either dump him or quit being his doormat--one of the two.
...............................
A
female
reader, hopeful82 +, writes (16 July 2009):
hopeful82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am so sorry. As for being pushed aside, I am meaning that my boyfriend constantly likes to stand me up. Then he comes up with several different reasons before I ask him the real reason as to why he has not showed up.
He wants to put our relationship on hold because he is having problems with a job right now. It does not mean that he is or I am allowed to see other people, it basically means he needs to put his problems first at the moment. Which sucks, because in my heart I think he is meaning that he wants to go back to where we were, to where he does not have to be around me as much, etc. Basically, he wants to leave our relationship right where it was, instead of him having to take the time and make our life together better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): You aren't making sense. Please be more specific. Just exactly what is he doing to push you away? What is the reason he is telling you your relationship needs to be put on hold? What does that involve? Are you allowed to date others, what?
Can't help you if you can't be specific, and he isn't going to get you if you can't specifically tell him what you need and want, now can he?
...............................
|
