A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm open to hearing what you have to say about this.Have any of you ever had an affair, or had someone cheat on YOU yourself? If so, what was the outcome?For those having the affair, if it was found out and suddenly out in the open, which partner did you choose? Did the affair mean anything to you? When it came to a head, which partner did you choose to be with and why?And for those that have been cheated on, what happened.. did you patch things up or move on? Just trying to get some understanding about what I've gone through being on the receiving end. All the feelings and emotions that make up an affair from BOTH sides. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 February 2010):
I left her and cut all contact when she cheated on me
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): Straight out I want to say that you should not feel that you are responsible for your partner cheating on you and you deserve some one who will be faithful to you. That being said, I will now also tell you that I was once in a relationship where I cheated (and the person I cheated with was also cheating). I was in a long term relationship and he was married. We were together, just because we enjoyed sex with each other. It was never a matter of leaving our other partners to be together. We knew what we were doing was wrong, but we didn't care. I can honestly say, I felt very little guilt about cheating. It sounds cruel, but that was how it was. I clearly did not care about the partner I was with, because if I did, I do not believe I would have cheated.
That was all a long time ago, and I am now happily married (to someone I did not even know back when I was cheating). Now, in this relationship, I love and respect my partner. I would not even consider cheating. I love and respect my partner and would never think about being with some one else. You need to be in a relationship with someone who respects and values you. If they do, they will not cheat on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): Well, I was once in a relationship with a man who didn't do commitment very well! I knew I wasn't the only female he was seeing, there was at least one other. The outcome? I ended it. Walked away. It was hard, as I really loved him, but the trust had gone, and so had my respect for him. I realised that he didn't really have any respect for my feelings either. I did tell him how I felt, and how I couldn't carry on being the "other woman", and he saw it as quite a laughable joke. So yeah, that was the end of it.
I guess I felt pretty worthless after, and like a fool. However, I am glad now that I stayed strong and refused to take him back, even when he kept contacting me. I knew he wouldn't change, I didn't trust him, and so I know I did the right thing.
You are right, there are feelings and complications on both sides when an affair is going on. But if this is happening to you, or has happened, then while I think it is good to try and see both sides, ultimately you have to think about YOU, and do what is right for yourself. No matter what the reasons or excuses may be for the cheating party, you have to do the right thing for you, and put yourself first. Just my opinion anyway. x
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 The first thing you need to do is quite trying to rationalize the possibility that you are in some way at fault for this affair. You are the victim. As long as you BF/husband is willing to end the cheating, there is a chance for you and him to mend your relationship. But that is up to you. I suggest counseling. If he wants to mend things, he owes atleast this to you.
If you do decide to give him another chance, you need to forgive him and move on. I didn't say forget, I said forgive.
If you choose to move on, you must never forget that this was in no way your fault.
Good Luck,
Jeff
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