A
female
age
36-40,
*nniem
writes:My ex boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago after 7 months together. Its a complicated story. We were first together for a year and a half over 2 years ago. He was in the army at the time and was constantly cheating on me. He was always still so loving but due to the cheating and then him starting taking drugs we split. He moved on and met someone else and I moved on and we had no contact. 8 months ago I received a message from him out of the blue. We got talking and met up a couple of times but nothing was happening as he was still in arguments with his ex at the time as he had a kid to her.then he started telling me how much he had missed me and regretted leaving me the first time. He begged and begged for another chance to prove to me he was changed man. So I gave him another chance. It was amazing at the start. He was so loving an attentive got to stage where he couldn't sleep through the nite for fear I wouldn't b there when he woke up. Wanted us to go get married asap cos he wanted to b with me for life. We moved into a new house Ina new town for a fresh start before hand I was living with my parents. But this was new start for us. 2 months ago the little arguuemnent started over silly things but we wanted to b together so sorted it out. But then he got involved with a group of guys. He started going out at wknds and not coming home til wee small hours. First time it happened he promised it wouldn't happen again he loved me and didn't Want to risk losing Me. 3 weeks later he was away again staying out all night. That time I had my 6 year old niece staying so asked him to not be out all night cos I didn't want him waking her up he didn't come home til half 4am and did wake my niece up. 2 weeks ago there was a parade going on where we lived he wanted to go I didn't have any issues as I was working anyway. He left for the parade at 1030 and called me to tell me he would be home early as he had promised to take me for dinner and then to the cinema. I came home from work at 1400 got myself ready and waited. 5pm came no sign of him so at 7pm I called him and got abuse. He then text me afterwards and basically told me if I didn't like it to just end it. So I did. I went home and packed his bags. He didn't come home til half 2am but I wouldn't let him in to begin with. He kept texting saying he was sorry I was everything to him he would stop putting me last. So I let him in to the house. He looked so sorry. I went to bed he followed me up and said he was sorry and that he would sleep on the sofa and we would sort things that out in the morning I agreed. When I got up few hrs later he was wandering about the house when I asked him what he was doing he said he was getting the rest of his stuff sorted cos he was leaving.we spoke for a bit but he was adamant he was leaving so he left. We had no contact for few days he then text asked me for his sky box. But I wouldn't give him it so cool ntact stopped again. A week after he left he text me saying sorry for hurting u again. I went to see him but he told me it wasn't fault I shouldn't have tested him. Since then he has contacted me but just to say he defo doesn't want me back he doesn't live me the same anymore and that we should just be friends. I am devastated that we have split up I really want him to come back. Its been 2 weeks and I'm still in tears haven't been eating or sleeping and haven't been able to face work. Everywhere I go I am reminded of him and what I have lost. I now suffer from anxiety attacks and just want to stay at home. Can anyone offer me any kind of advice on what I can do please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2015): Hi,I just wanted to say: I've been in a similar situation. i.e. I was physically affected by a break up. I could not eat, sleep, function normally etc.I could only drink water and I was so upset that I vomited even that at times.I think it was because I was so affected by what had happened that my emotional state influenced my physical one. It happens. There is now even a medical term for it- "broken heart syndrome".Modern medicine still doesn't understand everything by a long shot... Older couples die from it (the BHS), younger people tend to survive because there is more stamina in them/even if compromised their immune system is stronger at 20 than at 80.I was affected to the point of having several minor internal infections (kidney etc. etc.) They only discovered them 4-5 months AFTER the break up and after they had already happened and healed (I said minor, because the infections were like inflammations caused by a very weak immune system, caused by you-know-what).As bad as it affected me I know of people who have gone through worse because of selfish ass holes. If he cared a tiny bit more about how it would affect me and broke it off like a decent human being, I believe it would have been different. But he did NOT care how it affected me. Only how it was affecting him.See, I think the thing is, IF I was't so into him/did NOT care so much It would NOT have happened.But I cared to the point where I put his feelings BEFORE mine. I think the very first thing you should do, is take CARE of yourself and put yourself FIRST.Do it on a regular basis. Really nice dress (buy it if you feel like it), buy new underwear (throw away any he has seen you with, for me that strangely helped I don't know why,I helped like a new me, going to be discovered by a NEW, BETTER man), basically do WHATEVER makes YOU feel GOOD.ps: you don't necessarily have to buy things. I like books,so a really good, positive book from the library might help you too?Do things He did NOT want to do with you. You have the freedom to do whatever YOU like now. Use it!It feels like it's not your life, it feel fake in the beginning, but the more you do it, the more it becomes your life. A life he is NOT part of. You can do it, we believe in you :)Pps: and CUT all contact OFF. Does NOT matter why he is texting you. He does NOT matter any longer.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 April 2015):
 I will say something other aunties have pointed out to girls on your position.
YOU have been falling in love and dating this guy for "what you think is his potential" WHAT kind of guy you WANT him to be or THINK he can be, NOT for the guy HE IS.
Come on now. HE is not such a GREAT catch. He constantly cheated on you when you were first together. And you LET THAT SLIDE until drugs came into the picture. My guess is you felt somehow the cheating he did was YOUR fault? But the drugs? That was all him?
BOTH were ALL him. HE cheated because he WANTED to. YOU stayed because he kept giving you the "verbal" runaround, making all kind of promises.
YOU DISREGARDED his action and BELIEVED his words - when you REALLY should have noticed that his words didn't match his actions.
Then you broke up. HE moved on and knocked some girl up, when being babydaddy got boring, annoying, too demanding - HE got back in touch with you. Why? My guess? HE knew he could persuade you to PUT up with his crap again. And he was right, you did.
And now you are WRECKING your life over this piece of crap guy. You aren't going to work, so how long will it be before you will have to move out or move home? You cry all the time and want him back? WHAT for? SO he can CONTINUE to treat you like crap?
And don't go the "we can be friends" route. HE will NEVER be a good friend to you.
BLOCK his number and DELETE it.
Take on a renter if you have room, so you don't have to carry all the expense alone (you will have to check with your landlord first of course). And GET the key back from him, get him removed from the rental agreement.
GET out of the house, even if it is for a walk. And Go see your doctor, start going back to work.
DO GIVE this SACK OF CRAP the SATISFACTION that he ruined your life.
But MOST of all WAKE UP and smell the roses - HE IS NOT the good guy you want him to be. HE IS NOT EVER going to BE that guy.
Don't let ANYONE treat you like you don't matter. Don't be so DESPERATE for someone to "love" you that you will ALLOW this treatment.
If that letter shows up - WRITE RETURN to sender, no one by that names lives on this address.
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A
female
reader, anniem +, writes (22 April 2015):
anniem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has now been calling saying he's looking for a letter that is going to be delivered to my address. When I didn't answer the 3 calls he text me saying I take it you are not talking to me anymore I just want to find out about that mail. Has he text that to try and play mind games with me
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2015):
 All this time he had been making promises he couldn't keep. I bet when he met you, you became his escape from his failed relationship but he didn't really have anything real to offer you. His sorries were empty and meaningless. Last time you tried to break up he was just there so he wouldn't be homeless.
The break up was not your fault. You fell in love with an illusion but have problems breaking away from it. Even at home you would type a question thus reminding yourself of him again. What to do. I've always found water to be healing. I like spas, hot tubs. Volunteering at a pet shelter could help too. When at night trying to sleep ask for a soul retrieval. This bad experience made you lose a piece of your soul.
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