A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We are 22 and it is my first relationship. For the last two months I have been continuously questioning whether or not he is "the one for me." It often leads me to believe that he is not. Then I decide we should break up, and I become devastated because I don't think that is really what I want. I don't know how to stop overthinking our relationship and just let it play out. I've reached a point where I don't see any of the good in the relationship, though there is so much. He is great, treats me very nice, is very willing to help me figure out what I want and listens to me as I wonder what we are doing.Additionally we moved way too quickly, started spending all our time together as soon as we met (as we had just moved to grad school in another state). I am just confused because I don't know if I like being with him or being with someone, and I don't know what to do. How would I know this having never been with anyone else? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Hey, I completely understand your position. I have posted a few questions on other sites with these exact same questions. I recently broke up with a chick after about 7 months because I was having the same feelings. I had no idea what to do because I do really like her/possibly "love" her. Anyhow, it took about 5 back and forth break ups before we finally I think have actually split this time. Each time we have broken up I have explained to her exactly what I am feeling. Like I am crazy about her but because she is my first (I am 24yrs old) I just don't know if it's that I like being with someone or actually being with her. It's so hard to really dedicate yourself to someone when this feeling exists. I feel like the only way to answer it is to at least make an effort to date others. I am presently so scared that this will lead to me losing her for good and this feeling is making it so hard for me not to attempt to get back together with her. I really am not sure what to do but am trying my best to simply relax about the situation. It is super hard because you always wonder if you're giving up the one you were supposed to be with. I know I could give her everything she needs/wants but I just wasn't able to dedicate myself to her during the time we dated. I just had such a big unanswered question in the back of my mind. What to do????? I'm not sure. Most people agree that I did the right thing by taking a step back. I suppose like people say it is true that if we are meant to be together we will end up together but that's pretty hard to believe when questioning your decision is causing so much pain. Like if only there was a way to keep her from dating others until I answered my question for myself...UNREALISTIC!!!! Guess my post does nothing to help you other then let you now that others are in the exact same boat.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (8 March 2008):
 Take a week of space from him. Call him every other day, maybe?
Or maybe both of you could agree to an open relationship, or to dating other people for a short period of time, but agreeing to keep in touch.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2008):
 You will never be free and enjoy any relationships if you continuously think of this question.
You will not know the answer till he pops that question.
You keep on finding until he is the right one for you.
It is nature's way and you cannot but have to go through this process.
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A
male
reader, 17Irish17 +, writes (7 March 2008):
I think if you read your question back to yourself, with in it lies the answer. It sounds like the only reason you are staying with him, is because he is your first serious relationship. You are still very young. You will know with out a doubt when the right one comes along.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 well when you know your happy with someone - you just know, you dont question it and start weighing up the bad and the good - and you dont usually come up with more bad. what is so wrong with him that you dont think this is working for you? you said he treats you well - are you just wondering what else could be out there? and just to let you know - wen 2 ppl get together - its such a novelty and so new and exciting that you do spend all your time together at first, because you want to keep that feeling of excitment and new feelings. are you really happy with him? or do you think that you could be just as happy without him? maybe you do just like the 'idea' of being with someone because it is so new to you. if you are questioning it so much and cant see any of the good - then maybe you should suggest taking some time out from eachother and spending some time alone, so that you can try and figure out how you really feel about HIM - not the relationship itself. you need to clear your head and stop analysing what is happening with you two. take the time to go out with friends and meet some new ppl, enjoying the company of different ppl. i hope this helps hun, good luck and email me if you want more advice or jsut wanna talk xxx
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 My own personal rule to help deal with your situation is as follows:
1-If in doubt, stay out. Stay out of long term expectations and thinking, stay out of getting married, stay out of commitments.
My suggest is that you not be monogamous together until you know for sure. Until then, date other people as well as continue to see him, and he should be free to do the same.
You said it best yourself. You want a relationship, but if you any doubt you want to be with him, then NO leading him on.
Lastly, one thing I can tell you from my days as a seducing player...him listening to your problems, thinking about what you two are, etc.. is making him your therapist, and THAT is part of what is killing your full attraction to him.
-Frank B Kermit
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