A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Without going into a lot of detail, my closest male friend and a girl I had been crushing on for quite some time now, and for the first time for one of my crushes actually getting on with the person a good deal rather than admiring from afar, basically spent a recent night out all over one another in terms of hugging, staring into each others eyes, sitting together, dancing etc. and now they're going to try a date. Anyway, the entire idea makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I've always previously ended up becoming very miserable in similar situations in the past. I'm sort of considering cutting them both off from my life, without being obvious about it (although I'm sure it'll not be hard to work out), as I really do think I won't cope emotionally well with it at all if I see it going on directly, whereas hearing the odd account from mutual friends (when I can even just change the subject) won't result in the same level of depression. I'd feel bad to somewhat have to lose a very good friend over it, or at least radically alter our relationship, but tonight I really did feel pretty upset and resentful in a fully inexcusable but overpowering way. So... Is waiting until the idea doesn't offend me anymore, avoiding them for the most part during that time, a good idea or should I just act like nothing is going on and feel a gut punch every time I see them together/they mention one another? Discussing it with either of them is an absolute no go, I do think both are very nice people and it'd be viciously selfish to comment on my feelings regarding it all.
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): dear anonymous, sorry about how you are feeling but i don't think cutting them off would be the best solution because it will not change the fact that you will still feel so bad about everything when you see them.if the guy is really your friend an option would be you tell him the truth. however if your not so comfortable with it, before you react find out how serious the two are, because it may not be so serious and they are just getting along. be sure before you react ma dear. this is your friend your talking about.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (1 February 2013):
You said "a girl you were crushing on." Does that mean you had pursued her and were rejected? Or does it mean that you were too afraid to say anything and just admired her from afar?
If you did nothing to try and get with her than consider this your punishment.
Regarding avoiding them, I think that's pretty immature considering you were never together. You don't need to be the 3rd wheel on dates but in situations other than that just suck it up. You'll get over it a lot quicker when you're there and not avoiding them.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 February 2013):
If you liked her, you should of manned up and asked her out first. He did, now you need to man up again and put your feelings aside.
...............................
A
male
reader, jesussturgis +, writes (1 February 2013):
hmm..since he's your best friend, he'll figure it out sooner or later if you cut them off from your life. and if you stay around them , it's difficult for you and they'll notice the way you act and things could get weird. So here's what i think you could do, firstly tell your brain and heart that they are dating. Your crush and your best are dating. As soon as you accept the fact, things will seem to get a little clearer. Remember you have to accept it and you know that they both like each other. Secondly, try to be happy for your best friend cause he found a real nice girl and if you would ever lose your crush, it would be to your best friend since you want the best for your friend. Also, when they get too comfy with each other you could just slide away explaining that you need to leave them together. Hope this helps!
...............................
|
