A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. He has a tattoo on his foot representing the date that his first girlfriend died in a car accident several years ago. At the beginning of our relationship I didn't mention the tattoo, but now that things are getting more serious it really bothers me. It seems as though the tattoo is a conversation piece; people often ask about it and he tells the story in front of me every time. When I mentioned this recently, he got really upset with me and said that "it is a part of him I just need to accept". I love him, but I feel like a part of him will always belong to his ex. The tattoo is a reminder. Since she has passed away, it sounds crass when I say this bothers me. What should I do?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Obviously he cared very much for this girlfriend and the tattoo is in remembrance of her. If you can't get over that or support that he had that kind of love for someone else BEFORE he met you, then you better just move on.
It's his body. If you were in love with someone and that person died and you got a tattoo to remember that person, what would you say to the new boyfriend that commented on it.
Perhaps one day he'll be able to move on and will put a cover up on it and maybe he won't. You need to learn to live with this or find a new boyfriend. You can't ask him to take away a piece of his history.
I really hope this helps, good luck to you!!!
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Since it’s been several years; how does he tell people the story? Is it long and detailed, bought out to show people, does he mention it as a matter of fact or briefly explains why it is there? As you’re hearing it like a cracked record over and over each time, it would get a bit much. Other people see it and hear it for the first time. Although as with any tattoo they do tell a story about that person etc. Obviously it’s telling you something about him living in the past ‘IF’ they start as a conversation piece.As mentioned; …Would you rather he had a memorial in his bedroom? I guess that would have been easier to remove than a tattoo? Yet it still would have told you something about his head space 7 years later after this tragedy. (How old was he?) Here I don’t believe you’re being crass/insensitive; perhaps you haven’t come across this before. For me; when you lose someone close to you at a young age it’s much more devastating and there could be other reasons like he blames himself for living or was somehow responsible? So one gets a tattoo… The important thing is, has he healed from that experience?Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 May 2013):
 What should you do? This so no duh! Either you get over it or get a boyfriend with no history. Jeeze Louise, talk about insecure. No sympathy.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I'm sorry but I have to agree with him. Its part of his life... he made this tattoo before he met you. We all have our pasts...it just happens that this tattoo is a constant reminder to you of someone he loved and lost. But she is dead and you can't feel jealous of that. You have to accept him with his wounds so to speak... I would not give him a hard time about it. Maybe one day he may decide on his own to cover it up... xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): You should get some confidence. This is part of his history and life. You can't compete with someone that is dead.
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