A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi my name is Luke i am 21 almost 22 i have been with a girl for four years next month she is 20. we don't live together because she is not ready to move out. So i stay at her house 3-4 nights a week and she stays at mine once a week. (We live 20-30 minutes away from each other). we have always done everything together especially spending weekends together which i always look forward to because i don't like my job mon to fri. we have both have seperate friends because we live so far apart and where as my friends like her and are nice to her the same can't be said to her friends female or male especially the latter. We went out on a saturday night seperately last Saturday me in one town her in another which is fine but since that she has now got the attitude of she is going out just with her friends most saturday nights, im not that bothered about going out i do enjoy it just not every weekend once a month would suit me, but she is out this weekend and in two weeks and doesnt know what she is doing next week yet. During the week we both work i start at 7 and finish around 5 and she normally gets in at about 5.30. Im trying to make an effort during the week so we can get on during the week better but she seems more interested in other things at the moment which she hasnt been like before. It makes it harder with not liking my job that im feeling very depressed and i miss her all the time at the moment which i havent felt like for a few years. Im a very jealous person as well and i trust her when she is out its just she loves to dance and you know what drunk males are like! I have decided this week to stay away only seeing her one night so far on Tuesday and im not seeing her tonight which i normally would. sorry its so long i just want to get some advice really on this do you think its just something she needs to get out of her system? Thank you luke.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Luke
she was 16 when you started going together, and you only 18, a pair of very young adults with years of growing, learning and developing in front of you. Have you considered that maybe you have grown apart, that the relationship may have run its course?
I know what it is like to have a job that isnt much fun and that you cant see yourself ever enjoying but please dont make the mistake of relying on your girlfriend to make your life happier, the only person who can really do that s you.
Why not sit down with her and ask her what she really wants from your relationship, be honest with each other, also ask her where she sees herself in 5 years, 10 years and even 20 years. You need to ask yourself the same question -
good luck
A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Sounds to me....its a age thing....being 20 and being in a serious relationship for so long you kind of forget how to have seperate fun, she prob has a feel for it now....let her have her freedom its not a bad thing, but if you see to often of each other things get boring and new people seem so much more exciting! Aslong as she is faithful then let her be, when she wants to go out you make plans with your friends to go out! Also you being depressed makes you more needy and wanting her attention all the time, maybe she is finding to much to cope with! Talk to her but maybe don't see each other so much!
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (4 June 2009):
When your young together or not you want to have fun and that sometimes means doing it seperatley, all couples go through this until it gets too much and they go one way or the other. It sounds like your a few years ahead, a lot more mature and have your mind set, shes not quite there yet and is unaware what her actions are doing, in her eyes shes doing no wrong simply living her life. Its hard to keep it going especially as your jealousy will increase each time she goes out, the strain will eventually end it, you need to talk to her, tell her how much she means and you respect her freedom you would just prefer more time together rather than constant partying.
Seperate mutual friends can be difficult when they dont combine and you two are living in seperate groups causing more of a gap. I do think that yes, maybe this is her living it her way, at a young age partying is all you want to do, youve got more idea onto how things really are and you keep a healthy balance of fun and work.
Which brings me to the next subject, your job is obviously making you unhappy, at this time your at a good age to make a change, dont stay somewhere you feel trapped and unhappy you cant for the rest of your life, you go to this environment nearly every ay if your feeling this negative now imagine two years down the line? It will only get worse unless you do something about it now.
You say shes not ready to move in, your lifestyles are so different you can already see you drifting apart, you dont need that wedge in a relationship and it shouldnt be there so you need to come to a descion. Your head is more advanced shes adement at staying behind to enjoy the party, with such different aims you need to get on the same level at some point in order to reach a future, right now your fading fast, i know you want to save it, nows the time. It will be hard and it does take two, it needs to work both ways so her input should but as full as yourself, right now its not. Talk to her.
Best of luck in your future, find a new job, happiness and start enjoying life your in the right frame of mind dont let anyone change that.
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