A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I work in two places. In one place there are mostly married women in the late 30's up to 50 and more. They adore me, especially one-let's call her "Helen"-who is head over heel about me. She even says things like she wants sex with me tonight. Although I don't find her attractive, I don't tell her that. Why should I "burst her bubble". She is very nice to me. But I do enjoy the attention. At this place there is a single woman who is younger than the rest. They do not like her. She seems to have some affection for me, saying things like .... "I am tired, take me home" . However, she once came up to me telling me "you know, I like you, but I don't love you. I like you just like him, him and him". As I have never asked her out, nor have I expressed any love for her, why would she tell me this. She never said it to the other guys. So I responded "that's ok, Helen loves me".Boy! Did she go ballistic, shouting the place down"you can't have Helen, she is a married woman!", raving for a while. In the other place of work, there are younger women who enjoy flirting and teasing with me. There is one I work with, who recently told me that she is with me the same as the other guys. You are all the same to me. Again I never asked her out or told her I love her. All I said was that I hope she doesn't mind working with me. After she told me that, the next day I was a bit cold to her and more friendly to another girl. I can't be sure, but I think she was cheesed off somewhat.So I am asking. Do you think these women are saying what they feel, or is it reverse psychology from jealousy or anything else?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 June 2013):
 I have no idea why they acting like that, honestly. But I guessing that they feel "safe" to flirt with you, because they know or trust that you won't overstep the (whatever invisible limits they have set for what is OK and what is not OK).
And yes, some people (not just women) get competitive when it comes to attention from the other gender even IF they don't want anything BUT flirts from that person, it's an ego boost, I guess.
How to look at it? Well, you know you can flirt and play the "game" but if you got interested in any of them, the "game" is over. So.. my advice, don't shit where you eat (as in don't date a co-worker).
A
female
reader, indee15 +, writes (19 June 2013):
 I don't really know what that is but they sound a bit crazy. lol, jk but it could be reverse psychology...just saying it just to hear what your response would be and how you would react. Flirting in the work place is never a good idea but it seems like you all are having fun so I won't knock the hustle. lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): They are being women. The single younger guy usually gets attention, and they scramble and compete for his approval.If he's somewhat attractive, it boosts their self-esteem when he "mildly" flirts or makes "carefully selected" compliments. They don't want your sexual advances; only to feel attractive. It's all about ego.When there are several women in a workplace ranging in age and marital status; there is a pecking order. There is the matron nobody screws with, the motherly patron of the saints,the younger single female(s) who gets dirty looks when she wears tight slacks, the "Martha Stewart;" and the "brainy frump." She is outgoing and flirtatious; and doesn't really participate in the pecking order. She avoids confrontation with the other women; and her attention is focused on her job, and the available male employees. She stays professional until the single guy looks her direction. She has subtle charm, and handles herself with surprising finesse and stealth. She moves with grace beneath the office radar. She makes a perfect boss.There is only one psychology at work here. These women are only concerned about their status and position within the pecking order. Don't flatter yourself, it's not really about you. These women have a social structure within their gender group. You are an intruder and may cause conflict.You are protected due only to the scarcity of your gender within their social structure.They maintain order amongst their pack, and certain members are allowed to flirt and seek attention among the males; while others are kept in their place. They are quickly admonished by those of higher rank when they step out of line. My good man, this is gender evolution. Each female within the order; will find her way up the ladder to become the Alpha-female. She is the one who speaks and no one interrupts. The A-female gets the first and last word. She has many allies, and the boss trusts her judgment and opinions. She assigns the status of every other female within the pecking order. If she's married; she gets away with murder. No one crosses her. She doesn't even have to be in management. She rules by attitude.Your testosterone stirs up a lot of commotion. It's not really about you. They're behavior translates into where they also fit on the social scale within the office protocol. I've worked within the same structure as you have described in your post. Where women vastly out-numbered male employees.These ladies are highly competitive within the workplace, and they see you only as the office boy-toy. A distraction.Your status within the pecking order determines who gets to play with the boy-toy; and those who have boy-toys at home are not allowed to play. They are given permission to flirt within certain limitations; provided "you" made the first move. This comes under vote. It is very democratic. So for your own professional safety, and job security, remain neutral and show them all equal respect. Do not show favoritism, and keep office policy regarding sexual harassment in mind at all times. These ladies know how to delicately walk the narrow line without violating policy. They have a built-in checks and balance system, and they will let each other know when anyone is crossing the line. Thus the blow-out you witnessed. They'll make veiled sexual innuendo; but males are less likely to report such violations. It makes him look like a wimp; or raises suspicion that he's a closeted gay. Be very careful how you return these flirtations; and keep your hands to yourself. It's all done in fun. However; there are moments of tension. Usually a lower-ranking member is out of line.If you slip, and go too far; they will all turn on you.It is a highly complex and sophisticated social structure; and it's how they manage to get along, without tearing each other apart. Watch your step. If some younger and more attractive male employee comes along, you'll lose value; and will have to work a lot harder to maintain their good graces. He will get the first slice of cake, the best cookies, get hooked up with their beautiful nieces, they'll remember his birthday, and they'll contribute money to purchase a fine gift. You'll have to beg for attention like a lonely puppy.It's not reversed psychology, it's the 21st century. It is not a man's world.
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