A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Was seeing a guy for 6 months we had a few little arguments mainly because of finding time to spend together and a little to do with my insecurities from my past! Anyway last week we argued he's said it's over and he doesn't want me to contact him ever again! I don't understand what I've done so wrong to be so cold with me and I've begged him to change his mind but he won't budge! I know this was a stupid thing to do and I should of gave him his space but at the time I couldn't think straight! I really miss him but he won't talk to me at all! Do you think he will eventually contact me if I give him space or is this really the end and I'm not gonna see or speak to him again? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice it's much appriciated! I suppose right now I'm just very hurt and struggling to move on but in time hopefully this will get easier
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Things are seldom so all black / all white.
He is going on with his life, evidently- and it's not like you did not matter or do not matter. You just did not / do not matter ENOUGH to make him stay in a relationship that has turned out unfulfilling and bothersome. We may like a person, even love them, and be wise enough to understand that she/he is not a good match romantically.
When you had a relationship as friends, you weren't fighting to hog his free time, I guess, you weren't dumping on him all your insecurities, and you weren't fighting all the time ( "a few " arguments " are still quite a lot, for just 6 months together ! )
He may still care about you as a person, - and just not want any of the above !
AS for the friendship and contact part- well, that's the ddownside of dating a friend. If all goes well it's wonderful,better than with a stranger - if problems come out, the relationship is altered, it's very difficult to make it seamlessly go back to what it was before . In the role of gf you showed him sides of yourself that he did not appreciate ( and viceversa I guess ) - and that changed things and his perception of you and the space he wants you to have in his life.
That perhaps does not need to be forever, if you REALLY have been good friends for 6 years ( and by friends you don't simply mean ,like most people do, that you have been hanging out in the same social circles, doing social stuff together ) I guess at some point things would go back to normal. But not now, and I think he is very wise in keeping no contact and giving you a wide berth. Why ? Because you don't want to be friends now, and you don't see him as a friend, but as a lover or an object of romantic love , which he does not want to be for you . You have feelings for him, and .. he got tired and is tryng to move on, what kind of unilateral friendship and awkward contact would it be ? It's in your best interest too, you'd not be able to really move on yourself , if you kept hanging on to his words or texts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI totally agree with you on that and getting back into a relationship with wouldn't be a good idea at this time because of this, but we were friends for about 6 years before we started seeing each other and I'm struggling with him just cutting me off altogether I feel like he must if never valued our friendship at all to be able to just walk away and not remain friends with contact! Do you think he feels anything at all or is he just getting on with his life like I didn't matter?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 You need to stop contact with the intention of moving on and not with the hope that he will miss you and come back. I know its sucks but its best to let go, you begged cried pleaded and obviously its falling on deaf ears. You need to sort out your insecurity issues in order to enter into a healthy relationship. I suspect this is part of someone previously hurting you. Its not impossible to heal and to put the past behind you. You will never have a healthy relationship until you are willing to change.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): The hardest thing in the world. You were dumped and not given any chance to fix it or have any explanation. Hard to say specifics without details.
Nevertheless, if he told you it's over and to not contact him again, probably the best starting point is to believe him, and try hard to resist the temptation to beg for forgiveness or reconciliation. I did that for a year and a half, and it doesn't work, and it leaves you feeling even more desperate.
Surround yourself with friends and family, talk it out with people, and do what you can to make it one day at a time, because eventually it will get better.
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