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Is this normal behavior for a guy in a relationship?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 October 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half now. Things in the begining were great, of course, as with any new relationship. But it was our 2nd go at it, because the first time we met (on a blind date, which was cool) and dated for a mnth or 2, I found out that the whole time we were talking, he was trying to get back with his ex...telling me he was foing to the gym, but finding out that he had really went to dinner with her, etc. So I ended it. About 6-7 mnths later he came into where I worked at the time and I ran into him, he apologized and begged to make it up to me but I had a bf at the time. It lingered in my head what to do..Long story short, I gave him a 2nd chance. He has been a great boyfriend and I have tried to trust him as much as I can..its been a year and a half and our love life, etc has been wonderful. The only thing is, is that I only stay over there thus,fri,sat, and sun nights...only going over at night and we rarely spend the days together. It hurts. We never go out, we never go places, it's like he's hidiong me, or then again maybe he just is a home-body. I know he hates clubs, etc. so i'll give him that much. My main concern right now is that he he acting strange/distant. Lat weekend was great, I started a new job at an all womens gym so he's happy about that bcause I used to work at hooters. This week/weekend was has been aweful and heartbreaking. I didn't stay thursday night, he never asked me to come over, I didnt question it to avaoid any arguments; friday night I went over at 10ish and when we were laying in bed he didnt even so much as put his arm around me, cuddle me, nothing. THe eventually turned the tv off and was ready for sleep. That was not a good sign to me because we hadnt had sex in over a week and he's always holding me, cuddling, just being loveable. I was upset and didn't know if I had done something wrong. I woke up sat morn at 8 and went to work. When I got off work, he told me he was going to watch football with his buddies and I didnt talk to him till 8 that night and he asked me to come over. I went over and the same thing happened again. He didn't touch me, nothing. It seemed like he was in a bad mood and was aggrivated by me. I didnt understand, becasue he asked me to come over! He once again shut the tv off and was ready for bed..he heard me crying and then it felt like out of oity, he had sex with me. Afterwards I asked him what his deal was, why he wasb acting this way, if hes lost interest, is there someone else? etc. and he said no, youve done nothing, its not you babe..i'm just so stressed about finances, etc. (which he has been dealing with a lot of issues, car accident, back pain from it, having to get a lawyer to help deakl with the situation, taking meds for the pain and he hats taking meds) so I figured, maybe hes telling the truth..when I woke up this morning, the room was empty, he wasnt next to me, he was in the living room watching tv. in over a year and a half he has never done that. he barely said 2 words to me. He did cook us lunch and then told me that his dad is having to consolidate some debt stuff, etc and wanted him to coe over to discuss it....pretty much hinting to me that I had to go home cuz he was leaving... I was in tears, i had been crying all morning...I wasnt understanding wjo this guy was, where did my bf go? when I left, he kissed me and said that hed only be a couoke hous then call me. That was at 4pm. I didnt get a text till almost 8pm and when i called him back he sounded miserable, depressed, etc..i kept asking what was wrong, he replied that he was soooo stressed out and i asked what are u stresed over, plz talk 2 me..your not telling me whats going on and im in the dark..he said it was just stress over the outcome of things,etc..beating around the bush, still no exact answer. he then said he wanted to be alone tonight..i was crying on the phone because i'm suffering through all this..im having to pay with my feeling for his stress and he wont let me be there for him...he wants to be away from me when he's mad/stressed, etc and I dont get that!

I just want to know if this is normal behavior for a guy? He's pushing me away when in fact he should want me to be there for him...then he said its the meds etc that are making him grumpy, mean, moody...I think its an excuse. I love him so much and do not wanna lose him but I just dont kbow what to do...I am so lonely, I only saw him 2 times this week..well, 2 nights. I've cried oceans. He keeps saying ive done nothing wrong and we are okay, everything with us is fine, he;s just losing his head over other stuff. I'm afraid he'll want to break up or have time apart due to this..using that as an excuse to get away from me..I tend to over react a lot but this has me so worried. I miss him so much.

View related questions: debt, depressed, his ex, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the quick responses everyone:) I REALLY appreciate it. The meds may be the problem, I agree. As far as him not being into me amymore..I don't think that is the problem. He constantly texts me saying "baby" and still says I love you, etc. I know the signs of someone who has fallen out of love, i've been through it and it was the most painful experience of my life. I have also unintentionally put a guy through it when I fell out of love..and yeah it was due to SO much going on in my life...I'll keep updating...Last time I talked to him, everything was alright so i'm just going to play it by ear..taking each day as it comes, that's all I can do. I can't push him because that push will send him in the opposite direction. I'm gonna be there for him and be the best GF I can be, whether that means just sucking some stuff up and putting my big girl panties on, etc...

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A male reader, nickaust1971 Australia +, writes (26 October 2009):

hello It sounds like to me you both need time apart... Im going through it as well with my girl friend so im giving her 4 weeks to work it out... Be there for him but dont go around or call him....I know its hard but it will work out and good luck with it..

Hang in there

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009):

it sounds like he's just not that into you anymore. I know that is really really painful to accept, but his behavior sounds like that of a man who is no longer in love.

It is possible that with the stress in his life right now, he doesn't have the energy for any kind of relationship, and it doesn't have anything to do with you personally. When you've got a lot of other shit going on in your life, a relationship can sometimes feel like more than you can handle.

I would suggest just taking a break from the relationship, not breaking up. But just not seeing each other until his personal life situation settles down a bit.

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