A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a woman in her early 20's dating an virginal Indian man in his early-mid 30's. Well a week ago we went to have sex for the first time and I was ready (moist) and I could arouse him but as he went to penetrate his penis kept getting flaccid, I know he is sexually attracted to me, and when I gave him head he did come but he struggled to maintain an erection. I was wondering if anyone could help me figure out whether this is physical or psychological, and if you could give me any tips on making him comfortable if it is psychological or whether it is worth seeing a sex-therapist I truly love this man and know he deeply loves me but I can't imagine a relationship with no intimacy. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 You're very welcome. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much to both of you, I have a terrible tendency of over analyzing, especially concerning relationships, I will relax and see how things go, thanks very much, I am glad you are sharing my thinking. And yes he is still a virgin, I think it embarrassed him too much to go back to trying any further.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 If he is/was "virginal," then he likely was just very nervous and possibly unsure of what to do. Many guys experience that their first times. If I were you, I wouldn't say anything yet. He needs time to become comfortable and more sexually skilled. This usually will happen naturally with practice and patience. Don't make orgasm the ultimate and only goal. Simply pleasure one another as best as you can and help each other learn one another's bodies. Communicate with one another and make the expression of love and passion the ultimate goal. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (2 December 2011):
It sounds psychological to me. The fact that he is very attracted to you and was (still is?) a virgin will put a lot of pressure on him. Your encounters may be too goal oriented for him.
Instead of trying to have SEX, I recommend you relax and engage in milder forms of intimacy (there are plenty of things you can do besides intercourse). Let him get comfortable with that before moving on to the next step.
Be careful how you communicate this to him. If he thinks you're disappointed and have given up he will feel even worse. Be light hearted and matter of fact about it. Everything will work out in the end.
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