A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is there such thing as "internet love"? I've registered for a website sort of like myspace just for fun however, I didn't know I would come across someone I thought I'd find interesting. Sometime, in the beginning of November of 2007, he sent me a note. I responded. I would hear from him every time I answered his question. Finally, he wanted to have a phone conversation. What the heck? What do I have to lose? It turned out great. Didn't think anything of it. Great conversation, so we moved forward. From that point on, we've been talking on the phone everyday. We made it "official", boyfriend and girlfriend. He poured out his feelings. I didn't know what to say. We've never met. We've talked about it. He didn't care if he came here or if I went to there. This is the first time I've done something like this. I'm afraid to say anything to a close friend of mines about doing something like this. I don't want to hear, "are you crazy! You don't know this guy. You don't know if he's crazy." She'll be right! We share the common interest and have mutual feelings. Feelings may be more than the other. I am asking for some advice and reassurance of internet possibilities of finding love. Can this be a possibility?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): I was in the same situation as you are a short time ago. Last fall as a matter of fact. Mine however fizzled out before it got a chance to come to fruition. My problem was that the female I was interested in was not only 20+ years younger than me, she also was an exotic Dancer. Although we got along very well(she approached me on my blog site), as we IMed on a daily basis for up to 6-7 hours at at a time. We shared our intimate thoughts. We began talking on the phone. I liked her for who she was, not the fantasy of being a stripper(I have dated strippers before). I would have liked her had she been a lunch lady! Suddenly when I asked for a meeting, things changed. First it was..."Eventually, when the time is right". I thought it strange, but didnt push it. Then she told me that she was going to go to Vegas for a couple of weeks and that we would meet there. I never heard another thing about that. Strike Two. Then she said in December that she would get me to meet her around my birthday in February. This girl had a habit of vanishing for weeks at a time without warning, and reappearing after I would send countless emails, texts, VMs, with more strange excuses about her abscence. Red Flags? Yep...but I was falling for her. She said all the things I thought I wanted to hear. Then I dropped the bomb on her about my feelings. She returned the I love You. We were going to finally meet. Then that same day, as a matter of fact HOURS after our profession of love for one another, came a "family tragedy". I was 1000 miles away, so I was not able to verify a thing. I scoured East Coast obits because for the third time she just dropped off the face of the Earth. Now RED BANNERS! She reappeared just before New Years Day like nothing ever happened. My questions were numerous. All pretty much went unanswered. Then after almost completely eschewing telephone conversations, that all of a sudden became the mode of communication. However, she would always call me in her car, or if she was on her way to a "friends" house. Now NO talk of a meeting. Two weeks ago I called her because I wanted to finally pin her down on what was going on. She answered, but was quiet with "yes, no, uh-huh" answers. I knew right then that this young woman was playing games, and obviously already had a significant other. I asked her "Since you never have a problem telling me you love me when you are in your car, why can't you say it now?" I was promptly hung up on, without a word from her since. No return of calls, emails. So I finally realized that I had been dealing with nothing more than a game playing manipulator and gave up.
Yes, I believe you can find love, but from my experience on the web, all I can say is Tread Very Lightly. If you can't pin them down on a meeting, or stories suddenly change with the frequency of day and night without any way to verify things, do not subject yourself to potential heartache. My ordeal affected me greatly, and continues to haunt and hurt me. Please be carefull.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (22 January 2008):
Not exactly like the internet, but my wife & I mailed each other (letters on real paper, or friendship cards, or token gifts) for 3 months before we met in person. A year later we married, and have been for over 30 years.
The differences are that we were somewhat younger (22 - not exactly kids). And we were made aware of each other by a much older mutual acquaintance who thought there was compatibility between our personalities.
In retrospect it was a good way for two somewhat shy people to become friends at a rather intimate level in a relatively short time span.
In your case there is no third-party to vouch for either of you. That's not necessarily bad - it just means you have to be more circumspect in advancing the relationship.
I don't know what sort of distances and physical circumstances are involved. If you're inclined to meet, then meet! But I'd do it initially accompanied by some other person - a friend, brother or sister, etc. And it would be in a public place; in fact, I'd make sure the first several meetings had some structured agendas for public activities set up beforehand. Like, Saturday we visit the Zoo with a group of friends, Saturday evening is all-you-can-eat chicken at Tom and Sally's Cafe, Sunday we'll see a ballgame before the plane leaves. Avoid unstructured, one-on-one, alone time at first! And no "I'll put you up in the spare room at my place." - if you can't arrange commercial lodging then find a friend or relative (even parents!) who will provide accommodations if needed.
You want to make sure that everything he has told you over the internet agrees with what he seems to be in person. Eventually you WILL need to see his workplace, car, house, etc to complete the picture but not yet.
As a rough gauge it's a good thing if he wants you to meet his friends, or he'll spend time with yours. And if he willingly introduces you to his parents (yeah it sounds corny!) you can probably relax your guard.
And keep in mind that if he is sincere and honest, he is having the same thoughts about you. He's not afraid that you're actually an axe murderer wanted in 7 states, but he may have heard about the gal who got a guy drunk, vanished, and came back 6 months later demanding child support. If he seems a little nervous, don't assume it's a bad thing.
I hope it works out well for you!!
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I met my boyfriend on the internet 10 years ago. We only emailed for about a month, then made arrangements to meet. We met somewhere very public so that if I didnt like the look or how things were going, I could get out of dodge quick! But things worked out great and 10 years on, we are still together!
It can work, but just dont rush into anything. You say you are boyfriend and girlfriend but you dont know this guy from Adam. Take a step back and think about this logically.
Go and meet the guy but somewhere in the open. A pub or something like that! Somewhere that there are other people around, but somewhere that you can go and sit and talk too. Once you have met the guy and you yourself will know, if he is the one for you! You should know within a few minutes.
I fell head over heals for my boyfriend the very first time I met him. His accent helped though! I have always loved the Scottish accent and he tried to put on a posh accent so that I would understand him, but with my heavy South African accent, he didnt understand me most of the time.
You will know if this guy is the one for you, but meet him first!
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Of course you can find love over the internet. However, I think you'd need to actually meet this guy in person for it to be a proper relationship.
Many people have initially met over the internet and spoken to one another over the phone only to meet up, go out for a couple of years, and get married.
Make sure when you do meet you don't go to his or to yours first time. You need to take things slow. Meet in a public place, like for lunch or something, and tell a friend or family member.
I'd suggest you'd arrange for one of them to give you call perhaps an hour into the meet so if it turns out to be a bit of a nightmare you can make your excuses and go.
Best of luck :)
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