A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My on-again-off-again boyfriend is coming over this weekend. We've been "off" for a little less than two months now. My concern is that every time we get together after a few weeks apart, the passion we have for each other is intense. But then over the course of a few more weeks, we'll be reminded each other's faults (me) or get lazy with putting effort into the relationship (him - but to his defense, he is working on a degree).Is there anyway to make sure you fall in love and stay in love? Or do he and I both have to get used to the fact that relationships will never remain the same way they start?And just for the record, he's about 10 years older than me. I don't know if that matters, though. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answers, guys. To clear up a few things:
Our relationship is more than just sexual. When we're together we genuinely enjoy each other's company and have the best conversations ever. I would consider being just friends, but we both get jealous and he really can't be friends with women without having sex with them.
Anyway, thanks again for the advice. I'm not sure what I'll do yet, but I'll definitely take what you've given me into consideration :)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 March 2012):
 I'm suspect that when you and he "...get together after a few weeks apart.." that you do S*X..... Am I correct?
If "Yes," then you KNOW what is the answer to your question.... STOP putting out for him, casually, and make putting out a condition of you and him having a REAL relationship.....
That should work...
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 No there is no way to fall in love n stay in love. In fact high emotions to any degree arent healthy. Good luck.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 March 2012):
 The on again off again part concerns me as healthy relationships don’t go on again off again but they do wax an wan in terms of passion levels..
There is no way to guarantee that you fall in love and stay in love but I think the problem for you is how you are defining love. Relationships are not static they never remain the same as when they start. You change. You grow, you mature. You get comfortable and let your hair down.
If you are expecting that the same level of intensity and passion will exist throughout the entire relationship you will be sadly disappointed in life.
After the initial honeymoon period (which is what I think you two are trying to accomplish with the on again off again routine) life settles down. You have work, and chores and just general relaxing. For example, when my partner and I started in December 2010 we were LDR and we only saw each other a few times a month and it was all hot and heavy and up in each other’s faces. Then we settled down and it was every weekend and we still were not at “real life”… then we had real life… he had surgery and I had surgery and we planned to live together and then get married… now we live together and while we are pleasant and affectionate.. it’s not all about the passion any more… now it’s about getting the laundry done and getting the bills paid and my getting enough sleep to get up early to go to work. It doesn’t mean we love each other less, if anything we love each other more… but some days we just kind of coast through the day and have very little time for the passion I think you are talking about…
The other concern is if he is 28-31 (ten years older than you) is he working full time and working on his degree or is he a perennial student? AA
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Short answer - no. There's no way to make sure you fall in love and stay in love. That sort of thing just tends to happen on its own. Now, maintaining the excitement and passion in your relationship is something that you CAN make happen. Relationships take work, from both people, to keep them going. I'm not sure if you two have talked about these issues that you have, or if these are just your observations. If you haven't talked about them, talk about them. Communication really is key, like they always say. Are you happy with the "on again, off again" part of your relationship? Is this something you would like to become more stable, and possibly permanent? I think you need to be honest with yourself and with him about what you really want from this relationship. He may think he doesn't need to put a lot of effort into a relationship with you if it's constantly on and off. And who would? Maybe he wants to have something more serious with you, but thinks you don't want that. I really don't know what he would be thinking, but my point is that you should find out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Once things get into this sort of cycle it is really pointless. From his perspective, he gets to use you , whenever he wants then he's allowed to get sick of you and want a break.I don't know what it is about the faults being you tho. You sound like you want a real relationship because at this stage in your life you are really exploring yourself and growing fast, whereas he has passed that stage. Just because he is older than you doesn't mean he is right one bit. It sounds to me that you are looking for someone who is there for you emotionally, physically(don't lie to yourself), and this guy isn't workign into that. He bails when you feel insecure or lonely, and if that is the case, no you can't fall in love with each other. Things are not working for a reason. Passion in sex and want is a lot different to passion in a sincere relationship
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reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Well, if you're talking about making him fall in love and say in love, then it's impossible, and also kinda impossible to force yourself to feel something.
But honestly, you should just talk to him, and tell him that you don't think he's putting enough effort into the relationship. And you should stop focusing on his faults.
Focus on the positive things.
My boyfriend is immature. VERY immature, it's a fault of his, but I dont focus on it. I know that with my help, he'll grow out of it, but I dont let it make or break our relationship.
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