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Why does my b/f want a threeseome with 2 girls but won't even consider 2 guys?

Tagged as: Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

hi so i need some good advise ive been with my bf 3 yrs now he watches porn which is not a problem i watch it with him but he likes to watch group sex and said it really turns him on then the other night he asked me if i would have a 3 some with him an another girl i said what would it involve me doing so he said he wants me to have sex with her aswell but ive only ever been with men and only 2,i have wondered what it would be like to do it with a girl but anyway to get to the point do anyone think this will be a good idea or will it reuine what we have also i asked him if he wants to do this and i do it for him would he be willing to do it with a guy next time an he said no because he wouldnt feel comfortable but i said well you dont have to touch the other guy but he still said no so why do you think that is .

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 March 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with the uncles and aunties.

Lazyguy said it well: "Simple, male homosexuality is not accepted as much as female homosexuality. "

With a MMF he will have COMPETITION with a FFM he will feel like the PRIZE.. get it?

3-somes are a sure way to get some REAL drama in your relationship. But if you want to do it - I would tell him you should try one of each FFM and MMF.

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A male reader, Beingblack United Kingdom +, writes (9 March 2012):

Beingblack agony auntI'm sure that your boyfriends MFF fantasy is one where the two women love him, have sex with each other for his benefit, and then fight over his orgasm. Clearly unreal, and the reality is never as good as the fantasy.

The real threesome I'm afraid is MFM, as those with group sex experience will affirm.

This will naturally involve you having intercourse or oral sex with another male - something I'm sure your boyfriend would not take kindly to, in fantasy or reality.

Run that by him, see if he likes it.

If it's ok for him to enjoy sex with you and another woman, - why shouldnt you do the same with two men?

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (9 March 2012):

YouWish agony auntHeh. Tell him to cut back on the porn, because the porn version of a threesome is two girls who are there only for his pleasure, hence the crap with two girls using their tongue on him at the same time.

Of course he doesn't want MMF, because he doesn't want a true threesome, which is three people getting equal pleasure and benefit. He wants the porn fantasy, which is exactly that -- a fantasy.

Tell him no, unless he's willing to be just as eager about MMF as he is FFM. Better yet, best not to make either of those fantasies a reality, as they have a way of tearing apart relationships that should have stayed monogamous.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012):

It will end badly.

Fantasize about it at length. Turn each other on. Watch the movies. Get him involved in your 2-guy fantasies and tell him all the dirty things you'd do in his two girls one.

But be clear that fantasy is all it is - especially if the idea makes you at all uncomfortable - in a straightforward and honest conversation outside the bedroom, fully clothed, when there's no attraction or heat or fantasy to confuse things.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (9 March 2012):

Danielepew agony auntWell, it is always nice to have sex with a different woman.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

yes he is

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012):

He wants to have his cake and eat it too, that's why. In a nutshell, he's looking for permission to cheat with another woman in front of you. If this doesn't interest you, don't give in.

My otherwise wonderful boyfriend has brought up threesomes with another woman in the past. I was not keen on the idea of a threesome, either FFM or MMF, but I wanted to show him, rather than tell him, that he was asking for something unrealistic.

So I asked him in fairly graphic detail if he would be equally interested in a MMF threesome for MY pleasure (mind you, I didn't and don't want one... just wanted to make the point) and he of course said no.

"Why not?" I asked.

"It doesn't turn me on," he replied.

"Well, neither does the thought of you with another woman," I told him.

I'm sure he still fantasizes about it, but I'm also pretty sure that he understands bringing strangers into our relationship is going to stay just that... a fantasy.

Since your bf does not seem to understand how inconsistent he is being, I suggest the next time you watch porn together you say something along the lines of "Honey, have you considered a threesome with me and another guy? It would really turn me on to see you and another man having sex with each other, and then with me." (Feel free to be as graphic as you want here - the point is to really make him feel squeamish about what he would be involved in.) When he says no, as he undoubtedly will, explain that this is how you feel about the prospect of having sex with him and another woman, and that while he can watch all the group porn he likes, if he wants to be in a relationship WITH YOU this needs to stay a fantasy. Be calm when you tell him this - do not accuse, yell, etc. Just make your point.

Good luck.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 March 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI don’t’ think it’s a great idea.. first of all the fantasy is always better than the reality. Secondly if you are not totally wedded to the idea and are doing it just to make him happy that’s the wrong reason to do it…

To be honest many men are NOT that comfortable being THAT close to another naked sexually aroused male.. it brings up all sorts of homophobic issues for them…

But it’s easy to get out of it you tell him… well I don’t want to be that close to another woman… what’s good for the goose is good for the gander and it has to go both ways or it’s not fair. Unless YOU would want it.

To be honest I come from an open marriage that died because of that openness. AND I am a bisexual… and my partner now does not wish to share me with another man and I do not wish to share him with another woman although he would like for ME to find another woman to please me… not for him… but I don’t want another naked woman near my man.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (9 March 2012):

LazyGuy agony auntSimple, male homosexuality is not accepted as much as female homosexuality.

Just simply 2 women walking hand in hand vs men isn't the norm (in the west, other parts of the world it is perfectly normal).

As for threesomes... jealousy in an unpredictable and dangerous thing. The green monster springs up in the oddest places.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012):

I wouldn't go down that road. Keep it as a fantasy. The fall out of bringing another person into your relationship may be more complicated than you think. Also, your partner seems to be building this idea around his desires and not yours. So no, look for other ways to spice up your love life.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (9 March 2012):

eyeswideopen agony auntIs he planning on screwing the other woman as well?

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