A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 years old and Male, i feel exactly the same i even get jealous of my cousin, my best friends, guys she works with, or just guys in general. If she wears anything to revealing when we are out, or i am not there, but if its just us i am fine with her wearing not much. when i get jealous i get this rage, start accusing her of cheating or having an interest in someone else, these accusations come from the littlest thing!!! i absolutley hate the person i am when it comes to jealousy and possessiveness. i dont wanna be this person its wrecking my fiance and i's relationship. why do i feel this way what is wrong with me do i have anxiety or some other mental illness please help i wanna be trusting and carefree when it comes to other people. i dont understand the way i think it just happens??? help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SceneXaddicted  +, writes (18 January 2010):
 Well all of our actions are caused by a stimulus. Something beyond revealing clothing makes you feel this way. It sounds like you have lost a lot of people in your life that you care about, family, friends, gf.s etc. Maybe growing up you have felt a lack of control for your own life, a sense of underlying psychological insecurity. So with this it seems that with a girl, you are a male dominant automatically. Also with being insecure with yourself, its reflected onto your relationship by always feeling she will leave you instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt. One thing everyone has to realize in a relationship, if someone wants to cheat, they will. If someone wants to leave, they will. Just because you try to control them wont make them any closer to you, in fact it will just push them away. Trust has to be earned. If she has never given you solid eveidence of distrust, you should have no reason to distrust her. Its like a time line if you draw it out. The left side is distrust, the right is full trust. The middle is where people are when you first meet a stranger. You shouldn't have a reason to trust or distrust them. Trust is earned. If you are engaged, she is trusting you with her future... maybe you should give her the same. I know its hard, easier said than done, but its progressive. Tell her you are going to try, and to be patient with you. DONT drag out the time however. Don't continuously blame your jealousy like, 9 months after trying just say "oh its my jealousy, im working on it". If something is wrong, if you see her upset in her eyes, gain composure of yourself, and apologize for your jealousy.
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