A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry it’s long. I’m trying to figure out the situation I’m in. I started dating a girl since a week ago… sort of. We’re both in college (I’m going to be a senior starting this fall, and she will be a sophomore). I had a crush on her for a couple months, then about a two months ago I asked if we could hang out the first time. I have been visiting her four or five times ever since (was just the two of us, but not really dating, more like just hanging out and going out to eat). A week ago I met up with her at her place and had her read a letter, which talked about things along the lines of “I like you and respect you a lot, and if ok with you, would you consider a serious relationship with me.” She told me a few things; how she was dating someone earlier in the school year for three months or so, which never got too serious because she was always busy; not being to see the other guy hurt him a lot and she feels really guilty about that; about how she is a dedicated student and an employed worker so she’s not sure how much time and energy she could invest in a serious relationship. I told her that I know from the start that you’re always busy, and I’m fine as long as I could see her when she is available (even if that’s once a week or every other week). In response, she said ok, although she can’t promise anything. It is true that she is dedicated and busy, as she gets top grades in classes, works with kids to teach them gardening, and volunteers in one or two student organizations. I don’t mind not being able to see her often, but am a little surprised about how unresponsive she has been this past week. Final Exams for summer classes are coming up next week, and I’m guessing she does have a whole bunch of other stuff going on as usual, but even considering that, its somewhat startling how she only responds in very brief text messages only. Basically I haven’t been able to really communicate with her the past week. I suppose she has been difficult to meet in the past months also, but I was at least hoping to have more communication through calling or texting. About two days ago I wrote her a little bit lengthy text just to tell her that I don’t mind not being able to see often so she doesn’t have to feel guilt or anything about that, and that I do wish to see her even if for a short time when she’s available. She hasn’t responded to that yet. Honestly, although I was serious when I said that I’m fine even if I could see her only once a week or less, I was hoping to see her more often than that. Especially since her work place and living space during the weekdays is only 10 min. away from mine. I’m not sure, if she’s just hesitant, having second thoughts, or simply really really busy right now. I will have to ask her when I see her next, but I was hoping to get some insight. I'm hoping the best for her, and hope to be some help to her life. I'm scared I might make her feel guilty again.
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male
reader, HelloItsRobert  +, writes (25 December 2009):
 In all honesty, she's probably just trying to hang on to the free time she gets to herself, and not willing to give up the little free time she has to another cause.
It's probably just a very stressful time for her, if your going to win her over, you need to slowly make her understand how much happier she would be not doing all of this madness, maybe giving up on one of the student programs, or one of the things she's doing in which she will not really be missed.
This will create more spare time for her, reduce the amount of stress she's got on her back, and then you should have quite a big chance =D
The greatest path is the one hardest walked...or something like that.
I know it seems impossible, but you'll find a way somehow xD
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