A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for 9 months. We are around each other practically everyday. If not, then we're always on the phone together. I really care about this guy and he knows it because it shows, plus I tell him. He tells me he really cares for me as well and could really see himself being with me. He actually told me that he wants to be with me but not at the present moment because he's going through a lot. I was hurt. Still am. I just don't get it. We've gone through soooo much together these past few months. I mean, if he says he wants to be with me, what's stopping him? He won't tell me what it is but I'm assuming that he's seeing other women. Is that true? If not, then what is it? I'm just not understanding...can someone please help me! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx guys! You really gave me, I think, some very good advice. Part of me is saying that he's seeing other girls and the other part doesn't think he is. I don't know. I was almost 4 months pregnant with his child and miscarried just a few weeks ago. We were both hurting. I don't know if this has anything to do with it...I do think that I should go out with other guys but it's gonna be hard, knowing that I really don't want anyone else but him. But I'll try. I have already started withdrawing myself from him and man, it's very hard. I'm barely getting 4 hours of sleep thinking about him and the things I want to say. Thanx again guys...very much!
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Well look at it from his point of view. You guys see each other every day, and you talk on the phone every day. For how long has this been going on? For nine months? It sounds like you two are practically already in a relationship. Not just dating. So why would he make the leap of commitment when he already has all the perks of 'being' with you? Dating is just supposed to be the casual fun part, not the part where you guys already depend on each other to be there every day. In his mind, not only can he have someone to talk to every day about his feelings as an emotional investment, but he can also date other women and have fun on the side without having to worry about being in a relationship with you. So basically he can have his pie and eat it too. If a guy wants to be with just you, it doesn't matter what's going on in his life. He'll be with you. He probably is seeing other girls. So that just means YOU should start seeing other guys. This isn't a relationship right? You aren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend, and you certainly aren't married. So even if you don't feel like it, and it's easier to wait by the phone for this guy, I would just start dating other people as well! Have some fun! Screen some of this guys calls and only pick up every few days. Give him some space and make him chase after you again. That'll perk his interest. And when you do finally pick up and he asks where you've been, just tell him you were out on dates! He didn't want to be with you because you have a lot going on, and now you have a lot going on too. I'm telling you, if he really wants to be with you, this will definitely cause him to move a lot quicker. Don't spend your life waiting for someone that doesn't want to come around. You deserve fun too.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (28 June 2009):
This is a difficult one because hes taken the easy way out out without showing any emotion or being honest about how hes feeling. You have the right to know where you stand and he owes you an explanation. Its difficult to say that yes hes 100% seeing someone else as i dont know the situation or him as a person but its been a long time and you were so close so im doubting it is that..Maybe hes the type whos worried he was falling to deep, guys have to be in control and when that emotion takes over he wants to claw back some control and maybe this was his way out? Next time keep a balance and dont give to much too soon. To start with its all about the fun, the chase the dates dont come on too strong play it low and then go when you know your both ready. Your hurting because you fell straight away, your not a bad person for that you just fell in love. Talk to him, dont question yourself just tell him what its doing to you, dont let something you want go without a fight.Best of luck
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