A
male
age
41-50,
*efenestrate2012
writes:I didn't think it was a real possibility when people tell you to just meet people doing things you like when all I am is a computer gaming nerd but I met a girl in a video game about a year ago (maybe that's sad, who knows?). We hit it off and she became my best friend. A few months into knowing her, I confessed to liking her romantically and to my surprise found the feeling to be mutual. She had mentioned at the start she wasn't looking for anything serious but it progressed to the point where she seemed to change this and mentioned that a relationship was a possibility. Since then i've met her and her parents twice having spent a little over a week there both times.On the second visit, I figured I would take my shot and ask if being more than friends was a thing and she turned me down but said she still liked me. It turned out that she felt we started to have the same issues that caused her to break with her ex - issues with jealousy. This I admit to. I'm a computer nerd and I look the part. I'm on the overweight side and she's out of my league attractive and it boggles my mind that she gave me attention. As a result, I ended up getting paranoid around her guy friends that I felt were more "fun" and better looking than I was.She had said she would forgive me still and would allow me to try for her heart again but I don't know if it's a second chance or letting me down gently?
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best friend, her ex, jealous, overweight Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (25 August 2012):
Refrain from over analysing your past actions as well as hers. I know its hard to gain clues on what she wants but at the end of the day, you are either with her or are not. I'm trying to say stop worrying so much and relax a bit. Take things slowly and with a clear mind, the answers you seek will be felt in your heart. It matters what YOU want and what you hope to gain. You need to decide if the girl is worth pursuing. Mind you she is not the only girl in the world and surely, you need to work on yourself as a person in terms of insecurities and regaining your confidence. But do not change the good nature in your heart. The changes you will want to make will be for YOU and not for her. Problems in life, when encountered, isn't meant about succumbing to fear of the future, but rather learning to better yourself. You made a mistake liek you said but I don't think it was a big deal and I feel like if she wanted to be with you, she would have forgiven you.
A
male
reader, defenestrate2012 +, writes (25 August 2012):
defenestrate2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAppreciate the replies. I understand she's had bad experiences in the past with this sort of thing so I understand that it was my fault in the end for letting it get this way.
I suppose my concern now is trying to figure out her language of "like"? She's the type that wouldn't want to straight up hurt someone but in a way, this would be the cliched double edged blade. I'd want to know if i'm just being strung along for the pursuit but never actually allowed to escalate. Being fairly socially awkward and bad at reading cues, I fear i'd be extra prone to falling for this.
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (23 August 2012):
Get back your confidence like you did before you met her. The important thing is to stop beating yourself up and not change yourself for the worst. I have been in 3 online relationships that revolved around gaming both close and distant.
Jealousy is real, and normal. I'm not sure if it really is an issue but just lighten up a bit about that and just continue being happy and confident.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 It is hard to say if she is willing to give you a second chance or not, she obviously has had bad experiences in the past with guys who where jealous of her so she does not want that and I do not blame her, however I do believe that she values your friendship.
I think you need to show her now that you can change, you need to have more belief in yourself because the problem lies with you. Looks are only looks it is what is inside a person that matters, so please don't put yourself down, or put her down by saying she is shallow enough to judge people on how they look. Next as for her male friends, well if you are wanting to be with her then you need to be able to trust her or else there is no point to a relationship, if you can trust her then there is no need to get jealous over her spending time with guy friends, and you just need to accept it and keep in mind they are her friends and nothing more. Start making these changes now, show her you are worth it and who know yes you might get a second chance but you need to stop questioning everything and have more faith in her and yourself!
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