A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years. Every since we started dating she's always hidden her cell phone from me. I never thought anything of it. She's also always had a password on her computer.We've had our litle tiffs and fights here and there, but nothing too major until the past couple months. It seems like almost every week now we have a major fight, and it always come down to her telling me that I need to stop questioning things.About 4 weeks ago I found out she has been using this roleplaying site since last August. It bothered me that she hid it from me, and when I brought it up to her she got really upset and told me to just break up with her. She told me doing that stuff makes her happy. So I told her that I wanted her to be happy, and that she should do it then.Since I found out about it, she's been acting very distant. She's up very late at nights, and on her days off she doesn't want me to bother her because she wants to relax, she says. It's been bothering the shit out of me. She's came to me a few times in the past couple weeks to admit that a year ago, or other times long ago, that she lied to me about stuff.I happened to look in her phone the other night when she was in the shower. She obviously cleared the Inbox, but forgot to clear the Outbox. I found some messages that look like she was obviously talking to her friend online, or on her phone, and only texting here and there. None of the messages made much sense since they were all out of context.One was asking one of her friends if her friend told anyone about "our breakup", and I wasn't aware we had broken up?The other was simply stating how horny she was the night before.Both of these messages were to her female friend who I know from what she told me in the past, that her friend talks about her sex life a lot, so I'd imagine my girlfriend would talk about ours and other personal stuff, but still.... telling her friend how horny she was the night before.I'm trying to figure out if I should snoop on her other computer, that has no password. This is driving me crazy after seeing those text messages and how she is acting lately, I am so suspicious.Would I be justified in looking to figure out if she is cheating on me online behind me back? She's hidden a lot from me in the past and I am just so nervous that she is doing something, and I want to be able to trust her, she's just kind of making it hard.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): your gf can't be trusted; let her go elsewhere with her gadgets and passwords.
tell her to explain her behavior without drama and shouting.
if she can't keep you happy, what's the point of the relationship?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Auntie and Xaero, thank you for your responses. I've asked her things before, about what's going on online. She gets pissed off, and sometimes tells me, or yells at me, that she feels like I'm controlling and she has no privacy. I'm sorry, but in a 2 year relationship I feel that we should be open. I gladly leave my cell phone in plain view, and my computer with no password. I have nothing to hide and I just wish she'd do the same to ease my nerves, but the more she's shifty, the more it's killing me inside.
I know I should just break up with her, but you've all been there: It's just not easy. I REALLY want things to work. I just don't know what's going on. I'm already insecure as is and she told me earlier she's getting sick and tired of reassuring me that everything is fine.
I asked her earlier if she talked to her friend (that she text those two things to). She said she barely talks to her anymore. Which I hardly believe.
Also, what about the "Sorry about that, I was super horny last night" text? And the "Did you tell anyone else we broke up?" texts? More and more I'm becoming confused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): I'm sure if you dig further into the matter, you will find stuff your eyes will not like. Even the most innocent things WILL hurt you since she has opted to hide it from you for all this time. I'd be suspicious as well, and I think that it is all linked. Also if you were to bring it up with her, she would just insist that you break up her and you will look like the bad guy for invading her privacy. Even though she may be doing stuff behind her back, it is still her computer, her life etc. Before you even start snooping further I think you should just break up with the girl and find someone else. Arguing often, and almost no trust after all this time. She clearly has no need to tell you about the stuff she is into. You would think after two years, the two of you would know near to everything about each other.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (16 May 2010):
 If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's a duck. She may not be cheating in the traditional sense - i.e. sleeping with someone else but just the same - her attentions are elsewhere and you are unhappy about it.
YOUR QUESTION: Would I be justified in looking to figure out if she is cheating on me online behind me back?
NO. You also had no business looking at her phone. That being said now that you know - hit the nearest exit. You cannot make a snake curl up in lap and purr like a kitten.
YOUR STATEMENT: She's hidden a lot from me in the past and I am just so nervous that she is doing something, and I want to be able to trust her, she's just kind of making it hard.
YOU WANT THIS GIRL WHY?
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