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Is NSA the same as FWB?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 25 January 2016)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

I'm sort of dating a person for past 2 months and today after sex he told me he wants to do NSA and he doesn't attach emotionally to anyone (which he does to protect himself) and won't commit. Though its NSA he won't be seeing anyone else when he is seeing me.

I don't understand, Wat does that imply? Is NSA same as FWB? What does he mean by NSA but won't see others ? Should I run from this guy?

Please help me

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (25 January 2016):

chigirl agony auntThese are not standards. These are just made up terms that each person use the way it suits them. If you want definitions of what it means then you need to ask the person involved. You need to ask your man what he means and what the ground rules are and what you can expect, in order for you to know whether this is okay with you or not.

My GUESS though, is that he means he wants to continue dating and seeing you, but does not want the obligations of being a proper boyfriend. He does not want family dinners, meeting your friends, going to the mandatory couples things etc. He wants to just date, meet you occasionally and have sex and not be too serious. Like, not discuss babies and marriage and moving in together, lol.

Honestly, I think he's just confused about what a relationship is, or he's experienced women before who expect way too much as soon as an official relationship is formed. You know, some women are high maintenance and will ask all sorts of things from a man as soon as he is their boyfriend. The expectations become too high.

I think he likes you, and you like him, but you could say NSA is okay as long as it's monogamous. And then just date for as long as you think it's still fun and good times. Then, if you feel the need to take things further and have him meet family etc, you can ask if you should go boyfriend/girlfriend.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (23 January 2016):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI'd consider "NSA" and "FWB" to be, pretty much, synonyms.... In either case, a person looking for a "real relationship" won't find it rewarding... and might feel "used" to partake of it....

IF your version of "intercourse" or "sex" includes a mental/emotional component, then this guy is not for you...

Good luck....

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (23 January 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntTo protect himself from what? The horror of a relationship?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (23 January 2016):

Honeypie agony auntNSA means no strings attached - like booty calls and planned sex sessions.

I would DEFINITELY run now, IF you are looking for a BF. This guy WAITED to after sex to "inform" you that he wasn't looking for a relationship. And he did THAT on purpose. Guys who are upfront that all they want is sex, don't always "get" the sex. But the guy who "dates" a girl a while, basically "wheeling" her into thinking maybe this will work might be easier to manipulate into a NSA casual sexual thing. (I won't call it a relationship, because it's not - it's just "free", guiltless, no effort sex".

FWB is actually not as common as people think. Because it DOES imply that the people in the FWB are and HAVE been friends a good long while and can separate the sex from the friendship - so it's NOT just based on meeting up and having sex. It's 2 friends who are currently unattached having an itch and scratching it till either of them meet someone else.

He sounds like a douche. Sorry. Someone who WAIT till after the sex is a low life. Someone who just wants to USE another person.

And he SAYS he won't be seeing anyone besides you, but really? how would you know? It's not like he is a trustworthy person, is it?

Skip this one. And next time, maybe wait with the sex till you have both decided what you want from each other.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (23 January 2016):

janniepeg agony auntWhy does he have to wait 2 months? That's because if he told you right away that sex is all he could offer, then many women would have run already. He wants to see you when he sees you but with zero expectations. There is not much difference between NSA and FWB. Not all NSA people are promiscuous. There are many who still wants to do one at a time to avoid headaches, and STDs. If you are looking for more than sex then yes, you should run.

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