A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry in advance if too much information!My husband and myself were having sex last night, usually he closes his eyes during sex, which used to bother me but he said it was just concentration on the pleasurable sensations, so it doesnt bother me anymore.(I'm sure there's a bit of fantasizing going on here too but obviously he's not going to say that to me!)However, he was using his fingers to pleasure me last night before we had sex, and even though the lights were off, I could see that he had twisted his head away and sort of into the pillow... Now, I might expect this when he is the one receiving the pleasure, but as he was giving it to me - I found it really odd!! Can any guys here explain? Usually when he is the one giving pleasure to me - he checks in with his eyes every now and again to make sure I'm enjoying it. It almost felt like he was desperate to not have me in his line of vision.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 August 2017):
 I'm not a guy, but I close my eyes because I'm concentrating on the sensations! I'm not repulsed by what my husband looks like, nor do I need to think about others. Usually, good sex isn't about having rational thoughts in the first place, and to a left-brainer like me, it's usually the time for my creative-but-usually-leashed right brain to take over!
Are you feeling body-conscious?? If that is the case, you're taking you out of the game just as much as his fantasies might be taking him out. We women can sense emotional disconnection in a guy during sex even though they don't think we can!
Next time you have sex, SWITCH IT UP. Sometimes, the same things every time make sex stale. It makes me cringe to tell you this, but it's very true. Do something you've never done before. Try something he might be wanting but makes you a little nervous. If he's usually the initiator, next time take command and pounce on him like a tigress on a fresh gazelle! Oh his eyes will be OPEN for sure if that's not in your normal bag of tricks.
I'm seeing your age, and I'm guessing that his is similar?? This is the time where you have to actively break any stale routines that might have set in and try some different things!! Both of you will really like it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2017): During the pleasures of sex the mind involuntarily will capture things that enhances and fuels the passion. As you near climax, anything can pop into your head that increases arousal. It can date back to your teens, a teacher you found attractive, something he recalls that you did or said, a dress you wore that turned him on, your smell, your groaning. When you close your eyes you can envision beautiful things and replay moments you were together that woke-up his passions. He is absorbing your pleasure-vibes and using all of his five senses.
You're searching for something to accuse him of.
Seriously???!!!
Cynical people turn blessings into curses.
Stop mind-reading. Overthinking and suspicion are two very dangerous tools humans use when they're insecure. It's how fear and distrust slowly creep into our minds to tell us even good things are suspicious. For those of us who are spiritual and have religious-faith, we know that's how the devil works. He poisons the mind and fills it with distrust, suspicion, meanness; and steals our love and happiness.
Being so jaded about your own husband has to come from someplace within you that was damaged and never healed.
Or, you just can't be pleased for trying.
Not to mention your mind is more on what's wrong with him; than what pleasure you're receiving. I don't care what my partner is imagining in his brain as long as whatever it is makes me feel good. I'm there, I'm in the moment, and I'm receiving the pleasure. That's what it's all about, sweetie!
Men do not think like women. More pressure is placed on our sexual-performance and endurance, than there is placed on women. So you need to add as much fuel as you can to keep that erection raging on. If you take forever to orgasm; he might have to dig into his bag of tricks to keep the momentum going until you do. Be thankful, you're getting the benefits.
Unfortunately, it's a waste of his time. You're too busy trying to figure-out what he's thinking; and not concentrating on what he's doing for you. My goodness!!!
Be grateful. You have a man. He still likes to have sex with you. His mind is his personal-property, and you don't have a gift to see what plays in it. His actions to prove he loves you should be enough. They should be accepted at face-value.
If you don't appreciate what you do have when you've got it; you'll miss it and grief all the more if you lose it! That's one of the ways karma works. Unjustified bad thoughts about people backfire. You're consumed and bitten by your own suspicion.
Stop your mind-reading. Concentrate on the pleasure. Reward him for the effort, and it doubles the pleasure.
Kudos to Code Warrior, I agree 100%!!!
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (16 August 2017):
 he might be trying to keep himself from shouting his load too early, close his eyes to help think about something less sexy,
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 August 2017):
 I agree with Code Warrior,
I don't think he lied when he says he is concentrating. Yes, some people fantasize during sex, some don't. I do think it is more likely that he is actually self-conscious more than him fantasizing.
And sorry, OP you are ruining your sex life if you can't learn to just relax and enjoy what's going on.
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