A
male
age
41-50,
*obbyw23
writes:Hi everyone, hoping someone could help me out a little here. This may seem odd, but I’m too shy to bring this up to any of my friends, for fear of sounding strange. I was never a guy who dated too much, and tended to keep to myself most of the time. My girlfriend and I are both in our early 20s, have been together for about 9 months now, and all has gone well so far. I never had much of a dating lifestyle, and while my girlfriend never had any long relationships, she certainly was on the dating scene, and had several partners. I always had a good idea that her past was much more varied than mine was, but never questioned her about any of that stuff. It was not something I wanted to know, but I recently found out that aside from the guys she dated, she also had three one night stands when she was younger. The only time we ever talked about it, she said that in those situations, she was heavily intoxicated, and it was pressured onto her, rather than being something she was looking for. I honestly don’t care to know any more details. As someone who never played the singles game or dated that much, I don’t know how normal this is, and was just wondering; are 3 one night stands common for people or does this seem crazy or abnormal? Maybe I’m just being silly. Sorry if this sounds odd, I really don’t know how else to ask.
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her past, one night stand, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Yes, this is normal. Women do have one night stands and you can't change the fact that your girlfriend has, you need to move on and let it go. Otherwise it will drag on in your mind and your relationship may never be the same. Good luck Xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Your not odd.
Same situation here.
My gf has had one nighters, 3 of them infact and it kills me every single damn day.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): I'm in my later 20s. Among friends my age, I know people with 50+ partners and I know virgins.
There is no normal anymore.
One-night stands in your GF's past probably bothers you because it's normal for it to bother you. You didn't do it, and she did. You have different moralities.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Hi
What is normal? we all have different ideas about sex and relationships, and really who is to say what is normal. One night stands are ok for some and not for others. i have had one night stands and feel neither normal or abnormal just felt fun but i never use an excuse of intoxication, and to be pressured I knew i wanted a jump so i had one, then dotted it on my bed post as a reminder for one day we will all be old and not able to score. so get it while you can and have no regrets. if you are two consenting adults it's fine, and use protection for health etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, besides i bet she taught you a trick or two. she may even have a few more tricks up her sleeve yet to show you, get excited not judgemental.
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A
female
reader, Secret Teller +, writes (14 July 2008):
 of course it's normal! there is nothing odd about a hot younger girl having a healthy sex life. but don't worry she loves you and only you. don't let the past get you down or you will never have a bright future.
best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): You have received lots of good advice from the "uncles";
I suggest:
don't dwell on the past; Forget about it; LET IT BE;
Concentrate on NOW and on the FUTURE;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Sorry to admitt Ive had many more one night stands than that and Im not proud of that but I didnt want any kind of relationship at the time. In this day and age it is not abnormal to have many sexual partners, nor is it strange to have none at all. I still know people in their mid 20's that are virgins and I think that is fantastic.
At the end of the day the past can not be changed its unfortunate that she was drunk on the occassions that she had sex but it happens all the time. Let it go and just enjoy each other. You have been happy up until now, the past shouldnt change that.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 July 2008):
 You're not silly, and you have to know that this is a question that keeps coming up every so often.
I could write a lot about this, but I guess all you need to do is look at your options:
1. You dump her because she did things before she met you.
2. You have something with her because she's a great girl, but make her life miserable off and on over something she can't change.
3. You have something with her and work on a good relationship in the future, leaving the past in the past.
You choose.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 July 2008):
 No such thing as normal anymore, some people have lots of sexual exprience, others do not.
The fact that you two have different amounts in your past just goes to show.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Hell yeah its normal. I wouldn't worry about it, and it doesn't sound odd I can see why your concerned.
At the same time, this shouldn't be a worry for you. She is with you now, and is ready for a commitment with you.
Past is done and cannot be edited.
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