A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have had a friend with benefits for about 7 months now. He made it very clear that he would never ever be anything more than friends with me, ever. He told me over and over not to fall in love with him because he would never ever let himself fall in love with me.I, and firmly believing it at the time, swore I wasnt not interested in anything more than FWB and that I would not fall in love with him.Now here I am thinking I have broken the number 1 rule of FWB by falling for him. dammit :(Thing is I think he is falling for me too. But I could be off the mark.He has told me that if I didnt want kids (which I am undecided about) he would seriously date me. When I told him I loved him because he was my buddy (as a way to drop a hint) he told me he loved me too. He has taken me away for the weekend to his cottage which he told me that he never takes anyone to and hasnt taken a girl there in 2 years. He tells me he thinks Im the best (the best what Im uncertain). He tells me other than his best male friend I am the only other who really gets is sense of humour. He spends a lot of his free time with me...say 2-4 nights a week.Why on earth would he tell me these things if he didnt feel something more?Is it possible to never ever let yourself fall in love with some one you have feelings for?He has made me promise we will be friends forever. He says things like "we'll be wealthy someday. He calls me sweetie. What is going on here?? Your thoughts?
View related questions:
friend with benefits Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 I'm very happy to hear that I was wrong. Good luck and best wishes!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 Well, I'm happy for you. Wish you the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has fallen for me. Hooray! He has decided that he wants to be more than friends with me. :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't say I am surprised by the responses. In fact now that I have thought about it longer I would have to agree.
Such is life. Off to more men with no preconceived notions :)
Thanks!
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 July 2008):
In my opinion, you're off to a bad start. He was very clear about what he expected from the relationship, and you accepted those terms. That means that he has the upper hand: if you want more, he will say no, in full "right", or yes. But you have to agree to whatever he wants.
I agree with the girls. If a man says that he just wants you as a friend with benefits, it's unlikely he will change his mind. Possible, yes; likely, no. I'm sorry, but it seems to me you will end up very badly heartbroken.
He has actually set three conditions: one, is the sort of relationship, friends with benefits. Two, no children. Three, being "friends forever".
I wonder how old he is, and whether he has children of his own. Or, whether he doesn't want any children at all. Again, you're left with no choice but his choice.
As to being "friends forever" it can be taken to mean that he wouldn't want you to go away, no matter what. But that doesn't mean you will be pleased with the arrangement. "No matter what" might mean "you won't go away ever, not even if I dump you".
No one will be surprised if I say that relationships change over time. He might have changed his mind. Contact with a person, and the sort of relationship you have, might make him get to like you more. But, again, I don't think he will go beyond that. I believe that he set those conditions because of his circumstances. I don't think those circumstances have changed, whatever they can be. And then, what he has said doesn't seem like he has fallen for you.
Or, it's not enough. If this is all you have, my guess is that you don't have anything really. I would have expected him to become way more affectionate, perhaps to ask you to stay more nights, or to live with him. He would also treat you better in bed. Maybe he would make you part of his life in a more committed way.
It seems like he feels very comfortable with you. It doesn't seem like he will change his mind as to being a friend with benefits.
I'm sorry to say this. I honestly hope to be absolutely wrong. I would want you to give us good news.
All the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the thoughts.
I'd love to hear from some more men!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2008):
I think one of the biggest mistakes women make in their relationships with men is not listening to them when they tell you something. If a man tells you that you will never be more than a friend to him, he actually means it. He's not being mean, I think, he's being honest. If he tells you not to fall in love with him, that means that he does not want to have an emotional commitment to you or with you. I have learned this the hard way, you have to understand, and I'm not speaking from bitterness. It is simply that you cannot build a romantic relationship with a man who has told you that there will be only friendship between you. It doesn't matter how much you enjoy each other's company or how well you get along or any of that. If a man does not want to be in a committed relationship, and he has told you this bluntly, there's really no point in pursuing it.
Don't hand your heart over to him; I'd say that based on what you've told us here, the best thing for you is to move along without him, as he might be keeping you from meeting the guy who really DOES want a true, loving, romantic relationship.
And Ask sister has hit it dead on, this one doesn't see you in a romantic light.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Love, and sometimes unfortunately, will be love, and as with all emotions cannot be point blankly stopped. It will happen, especially if the circumstances in your life permit it too, which throughout your words I can see that you are spending loads of time together, enough to be a couple, and talk to each other in a very affectionate manner. He refers to you as "we", I mean.
I guess I have just read back to you what you said in my own words and highlighted what I thinks important, but maybe someones elses pespective will help highlight what is happening.
::0-0::
...............................
|
