A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with two of my boyfriend's (boyfriend of 2.5 years) friends. He has three people that he considers his very best of friends: Me, a guy we shall refer to as B and a girl we shall refer to as G. I like both B and G as people. G occasionally has issues with personal boundaries and knowing what is appropriate, but we always sort out our issues and generally get on well with no hard feelings between us. I should mention that I personally only see B and G occasionally, but my boyfriend sees them more regularly (B almost every day and G once every couple of weeks but they text often). My issue is that both B and G are cheaters. B has a girlfriend who lives several hours drive away and he has kissed several other women while being in that relationship. G has a boyfriend who is also long-distance but she has been intimate (naked together making out and stuff but no sex) with one guy and slept together clothed and cuddled with another guy while in her relationship. My worry is that my boyfriend will be influenced by his close friends. I worry that he sees them cheating and begins to view it as less of an issue. If he is exposed to unfaithful friends, is that more likely to make him unfaithful? Is there anything I can do or a way to talk to him about this without sounding as if I am criticizing his friends?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 October 2014):
Perhaps you should criticise them a bit more. I’m not suggesting you tell your boyfriend to distance himself from them, unless of course you have concerns about him and G, something which YouWish is right to raise as an important question here. Assuming you don’t, then I don’t see why you can’t ask him whether he talks to his friends about their relationships and what they have done with other people whilst committed to their partners. We’re not all a mirror image of our friends, and just because we care deeply for people it doesn’t mean we like or even approve of everything they do. Perhaps he ignores it, perhaps he tries his best to advise them to be faithful and work on their relationships, or perhaps the boundaries in those relationships are different to yours and his and so there’s nothing to say. So should you have this conversation with him?
Your worry is that he is more likely to cheat because he associates with them. The only circumstance where that would be a concern is if he appears to endorse their actions and thinks them justifiable. Unless you’re left in genuine doubt as to whether he doesn’t think in that way, I’d leave it. But if you do need reassurance, talk to him in the way I’ve just described.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (4 October 2014):
 Are you worried about your boyfriend and G?? If she knows no boundaries and texts your boyfriend often, I'd be a bit put off by that, to be honest. As for B, his kissing other girls doesn't mean your boyfriend will.
The issue is whether you can trust your boyfriend or not. Unless they're going out to see prostitutes or strip clubs behind your back, you have nothing to fear. However, with G, I'd make it clear the boundaries with her. If she's flirting with your boyfriend and draping all over him, you'd have every right to tell her to back off, and I'd hope he would do the same.
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