A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Is my boyfriend spending too much time with his Ex? They have been divorced for 11 years and they have a 19 year old daughter. She is a wonderful girl, they did a great job of raising her. I am also divorced, with grown sons living away from home (meaning: I understand divorce, and how this affects your children). This is the situation: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years. I very much support time spent with his daughter, I am all for that!!! I very much encourage it. But: I have a problem that he goes over to his Ex's house to spend Christmas with his daughter, and that he travels with his Ex (to move their daughter to an out-of-state college). I am not invited to these events. Is it unreasonable for me to feel excluded and unhappy with all this time he spends with his ex? I feel he can spend time with his grown-up daughter without the ex having to be there. But, maybe he is being a great dad and I should back off? Please help me, I need someone with an objective opinion!! Thank you.
View related questions:
christmas, divorce, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 July 2011):
 I do not see any harm in your bf spending time with the ex and his daughter at Xmas time, but if YOU are a fixed part of his life, and are not with YOUR family members, it would be considerate and courteous to invite you along.
If you bf has a healthy and happy relationship with YOU and his daughter and an APPROPRIATE one with his ex...whats the harm?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, it is every Christmas at the Ex's. Yes, he does spend holidays with me, too. I applaud and support his relationship with his ex for their daughter...But I still feel that at 19 years old, things should ratchet down a bit with the ex. My question is, am I totally whacked to feel this way? Is he a great father and I should back off? (and I will need to accept I won't be part of Christmas for him)
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 July 2011):
As a divorced mom of two teens, I do spend a lot of time with the ex. I would be fine not spending ANY time with him, but our kids ask and want Mom and Dad to support them at different events.
I am ok with those times,and my ex is not currently dating anyone. We are there for the kids, not for each other.
I would say that it is fine your bf spends time with his daughter and the ex happens to be around. But, you are right, he should be spending time with her WITHOUT Mom too!
If you are in a committed relationship, you should also be spending time with him and his daughter, if the daughter is ok with it.
As far as the trip to college-I would not be offended that does not include you. That is a right of passage that is centered around the daughter and as long as Mom and Dad have appropriate boundaries I would have no issue with it.
If he is spending EVERY Christmas at his Ex-Wifes house? That is a bit weird, but I guess it shows that things are amicible between them. But, is he spending holidays with you too? If not, that would be the wierd thing! The daughter is not a little girl who needs to be with Mommy and Daddy on Xmas morning to see what Santa brings.
...............................
|
