A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a manager and have been having an affair with one of my Assistants for the last 2 years. In my position I do get approached by a fair number of young female workers who are obviously looking for advantage (promotion). However, the worker in question was different as she was married and mature (30 something). We had known each other for 3 years before the affair started and had developed a close friendship. The first year our affair was full of passion and we loved each other so strongly there was talk of leaving our spouses to live together. However, she started to feel deep guilt after we made love. This guilt would subside after a few weeks and we would make love again. Last May she cried after we had made love and I told her it would be best to end our affair. The odd thing is that she declined to end our affair but dosent want physical contact anymore.When we started our affair I gave her more pay than the other workers and also turned a blind eye when she didn’t turn up for work. I did this because I love her and she never asked for anything except for me to act as a guarantor for a line of credit (which she has maintained payments). The obvious line of thinking is that she dosent want to end the affair because of the fear of losing her job and benefits. However, I told her that work is separate from our personnel lives and for her not to worry. She got offended when I told her this which is understandable given that implies that she is only having an affair for money. What I carnt understand is why she wants to continue our affair. Is she trying to take advantage of me or do you think she genuinely has love for me? If I end the affair how can we still work together? Is it best to have her transferred to a different Department?I want to add that she is a devoted Muslim (I am a Christian) and has had a very hard life. She was a political prisoner in her country and was tortured in prison for over 4 years with scares to prove it. I feel for her so much that I don’t want to add any more pain in her life. I am absolutely confused with the situation.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Why did you have an affair anyway? Are you married? Best thing to do is talk to her to resolve the situation, tell her that work and private life are seperate and that if she would like to be moved to a different department then you will arrange it for her8
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