A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just wondered, to those of you who are on here who are married, is it worth it?I'm approaching 40 and had loads of boyfriends but never yet met someone I seriously wanted to marry. I really loved some of them but knew it wasn't right in some way and now when I think about them I'm glad I didn't marry any of them.But I still like to hope that I will meet someone I can share the rest of my life with.But, am I now too independent ever to be able to mesh with someone else?I'm not lonely, I like myself, I like my life. I've got a good job, many many friends and meaningful activities in my life. Men find me attractive and ask me out.Am I too 'complete' to ever meet someone?I can't imagine being happier with someone than I am now, without someone. But it seems a shame not to have someone I love in my life, to share it all with.I thought I would have children, but maybe that's not going to happen now. I'm glad I didn't have kids with any of the guys I've been out with...but feel sad to miss out on that part of life.What about you married people - what do you think? Does it make your life overall more meaningful?I just don't know whether I should give up on the idea of marriage now and just continue to live as I have been doing.Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Oh thanks so much for your replies. Really touched you took the time to share your experiences. I was kind of thinking along the same lines as in, let what will be just be.Then I noticed that whereas when I was around 30 there seemed to be a lot of social pressure to get married, which was quite difficult to deal with at the time, by now, it isn't really mentioned. So I started wondering whether in the eyes of the world, the 'marriage window' had passed!Also, one of my friends who is 48 went back to Dublin for a reunion and overheard someone describe him as 'he never married', as if his opportunity had now also passed. We laughed about it but it got me thinking about marriage and whether it's something I'd ever do, or even want to.I think I'll just keep going as I am and not be too concerned about meeting 'the one'. The kids thing is the only bit that feels like there's a ticking clock but when you mentioned about adoption, or even step children, of course, this would be wonderful. Thanks again x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 I"m here!
yep nearly 53 and just married for the 4th time... ever hopeful.... both hubby #3 and #4 are younger than I am and neither had ever been married before me.....
we have friends that married in September 3 weeks before us... first marriage for both... she's 40 and he's 52... blissfully happy before and after....
is marriage worth it? Yes if you meet the right person... and if you do, you won't even ask... you will know.
my current husband... did not believe in marriage... told me when we started as FWB that marriage was stupid and he was never getting married... and i was fine with that...
guess what happened? he fell in love with me and wanted that security and commitment... he got it.... and i do love him.... it's not always easy... but it's worth it to give him the security he needs.
I would not give up on the idea... but your life sounds full and complete and wonderful... just leave the door open in case the right guy walks through it... and if he does you will know it...
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (20 February 2013):
Yes, I do think marriage does make my life more meaningful, in that it's an important part of my life. It doesn't mean that I would be unfulfilled if I weren't married. It's just something that has taken time to build and cultivate, and does add some meaning to life. It's also wonderful to have someone to share things with that takes as much if not more pride in my accomplishments.
Is it worth it? That's a bit more difficult to answer, and might differ depending on the day. Yes overall I think it's worth it, but there's a lot of work that needs to be put in. Lots of compromise, fighting, little things that tick each other off. Much more difficult than being single and only having yourself to please and answer to. Being as independent as you are, this might be a bit more difficult for you. Or you might find someone as independent as yourself and have a very compatible marriage. It's hard to say.
No way are you ever too complete to meet someone! They are there to share in your life, support you in your successes, comfort you in times of trouble. They aren't necessarily there to make you happy or complete. Only you can make yourself that.
Why give up on the idea of marriage? Keep going on as you are - you are happy now, so keep living life and being happy. If you do meet someone you think you want to marry, then pursue that at that time. And don't give up on kids - there is always adoption. Maybe you will meet someone with children and you will be step-mom. Who knows what the future will bring?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Hi
I was single for 16 years,after a marriage broke up. Yes it is amazing being single, you have your life sorted,don't have to answer to anyone, got your own space.If you want to do something,buy something, you just do it.I did date, but nobody came along that I would have given it up for.
I am seeing somebody now,but not living with them,it suits us both.Its good to know there's somebody special,but they aren't in my space so it is not like being married.
As for having children,you may have some yet, or adopt in the future.Its all down to taking opportunities or being open to settling down getting married.With the right man it *is* amazing and I have friends who are really happy and content,they 'glow'.
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A
female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (20 February 2013):
Dear OP,1. Being married or single should never matter at all. What matters most is your happiness. If you are happy with your life now, enjoy it.2. Marriage has its own problems, so does being single. Ask yourself, do you want to get married because of what the society expects? or do you want it because the grass on the other side (marriage) looks greener? 3. I am married with two wonderful children, but my happiness does not depend on my marriage or my children. My happiness depends on me. No one can make me less or more happy. There are ups and downs in life but how you view and accept the bad times and good times depends on you. Never ever depend or blame anyone for how we feel because we own our feelings and happiness. 4. My suggestion is to enjoy your life the fullest. Do not go out on dates with the idea of looking for a marriage partner. You seemed to have a great life. Be happy with what you have and when you least expect surprising things will come your way.Besides, iAmHereToHelpYou advice is great and to the point. Take care and be happy darling!!!! xxxx
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